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Rated: 13+ · Script/Play · Comedy · #2071020
The students wreak havoc during the first week of school.
METTE AND CO.

The students create havoc during the first week of school




Act 1 Scene 1- Untitled Scene


INT. SELARIU HOME - EARLY MORNING
Monica gives her daughter a warning during the car ride to school.

(It is the first day of school. As Monica Selariu drives to the school, where she is the head of the social studies department, she gives her daughter, Diana, some last minute reminders.)

MS. SELARIU
(In Romanian, to Diana)
Just because your mother works at the same school, doesn't mean you can get away with things. If you dare to embarrass me, you'll be late for your next birthday. Understand?

DIANA
(In Romanian, looking down)
Yes, mama.
(...............................................)
(Meanwhile at the Romanov house, Dr. Romanova, the principal of the school, tries to get daughter to finish getting ready soon, so that they could leave.)

MRS. ROMANOVA
(In Russian, angry)
Hurry up, Sasha!

SASHA
(In Russian)
Almost ready!

MRS. ROMANOVA
(In Russian, frustrated)
I'm about to be the only principal on earth to be late for the first day of school!


Act 1 Scene 3- Over Breakfast


INT. JOHANNESSEN HOUSE - EARLY MORNING
Mette's mom gives her some last minute advice before they leave for school


MRS. JOHANNESSEN
(To Mette)
Let's try not to cause too much trouble at school this year.

METTE
(To Sofia, rolls eyes)
Kind of difficult when one's mother is in the same school.

LARS
(To Mette, with sarcasm)
Like that's going to stop you.

MRS. JOHANNESSEN
Lars!

LARS
Come on, Sofia. You know the girl is nothing but trouble. Always has been.

METTE
(To Lars, snippy)
And you've always been a jerk.

MRS. JOHANNESSEN
(To Lars)
Why do you always have to start things?

MRS. JOHANNESSEN
(To Mette, in a softer tone)
And that's no way to talk to your father.
(Mette rolls her eyes.)

MRS. JOHANNESSEN
(To Mette and Annelise, frustrated)
Let's go before it gets any worse.

METTE
(On way out the door, muttering to her father)
Jævel.

LARS
(Muttering back to Mette)
Dumming
(Mette gives her father the middle finger before finally closing the door.)


Act 1 Scene 4- Untitled Scene


INT. THE SCHOOL - EARLY IN THE MORNING
Waiting for the school day to begin, Mette and her friends entertain themselves.

(Having rode to school with their respective parents, Diana and Mette find themselves with plenty of time to spare before the school day starts. To pass the time, they decide to explore around the school. Almost as soon as they begin, they run into a son of one of the teachers from the same department their mothers work in.)

METTE
(To the teacher's son)
Hi

JACK
(Hesitating)
Hi

METTE
(To Jack)
I'm Mette and this is Diana. What's your name?

JACK
Jack. My dad teaches history.

METTE
Nice to meet you.

DIANA
(To Jack)
Same here. You can call me Didi.

JACK
Nice to meet you too, Mette and Didi.

METTE
(To Jack)
We were just about to roam the school. Want to join us?

JACK
Sure.
(Mette decides to text her friend, Sasha.)

METTE
(Texting)
What are you doing?

SASHA
(Texting)
Just hanging out in the teacher's lounge with my mom. And you?

METTE
(Texting)
Just walking around with Didi and someone we just met. Want to roam the school with us? We can meet you right there in the lounge.

SASHA
(Texting)
Sounds good. See you soon.

METTE
(To Diana)
I just texted Masha. She's going to join us. We'll meet her in the downstairs teacher's lounge.

METTE
(To Jack)
She's the principal's daughter.

JACK
(Casually)
Cool
(As Didi, Jack, and Mette enter the teacher's lounge, they catch the attention of a teacher.)

METTE
(To teacher)
We're just here to meet with Sasha.
(They spot Sasha leaning near the corner playing on her phone.)

METTE
Hi, Sasha.

SASHA
Hi, Mette. Hi, Didi. (looking at Jack) And who is this?

METTE
Oh, sorry. This is Jack. His dad teaches history.

METTE
(To Jack)
This is Sasha, the principal's daughter.

JACK
(To Sasha, waves)
Hi

SASHA
(To Jack)
Hi
(On the way out, they pass a basket of candy bars. Didi, Jack, and Sasha each take a candy bar. Mette, after a quick glance to see if anyone else is looking, empties the basket into her purse.

While walking through the area where the English classrooms are, they run into Jack's sister Emma.)

JACK
Hi, Emma.

JACK
(To Didi, Mette, and Sasha)
This is my sister, Emma.

METTE
Hi, Emma.

DIANA
Hi

SASHA
Hi

EMMA
(To Didi, Mette, and Sasha)
Hi
(A few minutes later, Mette gets an idea.)

METTE
(To the whole group)
Let's go to the 3rd floor where our parents are. I bought a bunch of stuff to prank people with. I have it all in my locker over there. Let's prank some teachers.

DIANA
Cool

SASHA
Sounds like fun
(Jack and Emma look at each other. Not wanting to say no, they follow along.)
(Mette opens her locker. It is nearly completely full with prank goodies.)

DIANA
(To Mette)
I can't believe you actually bought all this stuff.
(Mette takes out a big box. Inside are several kitchen timers.)

METTE
(With a mischievous face)
All we have to do is set them all for the full hour and they'll go off right in the middle of first period.

SASHA
Where are we going to set them off at?

METTE
Didi, Jack, and my mom's department is having a meeting right now. (Grinning mischievously) We have our choice of victims.

SASHA
Let's set them off in Ms. Mervine's class. My cousin Elena has class first period there.

METTE
Excellent choice. Didi and I have our first period class next door, so we'll get to enjoy the results.

EMMA
(To Didi and Mette)
Uh... I think we have the same class. You have AP Human Geography?

METTE
Yep.

DIANA
(Grinning)
Great
(The five of them sneak into the classroom and hide the timers where they won't be heard until the moment they go off. They leave the classroom and continue exploring the school.)


Act 1 Scene 5- Meetings


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
The various departments have their meetings before school.

(Ms. Ausderau is about to begin her first year at the school. She finds out that being a teacher at a very affluent school takes some getting used to. During the department meeting, she expresses a concern.)

DEPARTMENT HEAD
Any questions?

MS. AUSDERAU
(To the department head, holding a piece of paper.)
I think the office made a mistake. They put the department budget in my box.

DEPARTMENT HEAD
(Looks at paper)
No.... that's your budget?

MS. AUSDERAU
MY budget?

DEPARTMENT HEAD
Yes, as the main food teacher, you get your own budget.

MS. AUSDERAU
(In disbelief)
But this is a seven figure budget. What exactly am I supposed to use this for?

DEPARTMENT HEAD
Umm.....food.

MS. AUSDERAU
What kind of food are we buying?! Filet mignon? Lobster? Caviar?

DEPARTMENT HEAD
Actually, all of the above. And then some. Your imagination is the limit.
(In the meantime, the social studies department is having their meeting.)

MS. SELARIU
(To the whole group)
As a school that specializes in languages, I would like to remind you that we have a large population of students from other countries. Also, in addition to our existing Norwegian, Russian, and Spanish immersion programs, we have added a Dutch program starting this year. We are the only school in the country with such offerings. That being said, as I mentioned last week, we need to make an effort to be culturally sensitive. Any questions?

MR. JOYNER
Why do these names get harder to pronounce every year?

MS. SELARIU
Ha ha. That's where Google becomes your best friend. (Pause) Seriously though, I think we are finished covering everything I wanted to discuss. Any questions?

MS. ELLIS
(To Ms. Selariu)
You gave Mr. Moore all the bilingual classes and the AP Human Geography class.

MS. SELARIU
I know.

MS. ELLIS
But that leaves me with just regular classes.

MS. SELARIU
I know.

MS. ELLIS
You do know that the better students tend to go for those courses, don't you?

MS. SELARIU
Naturally

MS. ELLIS
These are freshman we're talking about.

MS. SELARIU
Of course.

MS. ELLIS
So that essentially means I have the worst students in the entire school.

MS. SELARIU
And?

MS. ELLIS
(Shaking her head)
Never mind

MS. SELARIU
(To everyone )
I guess that's all for now. I'll see you all here at 2:30.
(Before heading back to his classroom, Mr. Jacobs decides to help Mr. Joyner pronounce the difficult names on his class rosters. When he gets to the bottom of the first class, he recognizes a familiar name.)

MR. JACOBS
(Pointing to Katarzyna Winogroszka's name)
Ah, I see you have Kasia. (Pats him on the shoulder sympathetically as he starts to leave) Sorry, man.

MR. JOYNER
What's that supposed to mean?!

MR. JACOBS
Oh, you'll find out.


Act 1 Scene 6- Elena And Maria's Morning


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
Elena and Maria catch the bus to school


ELENA
Let's go, Masha. We don't want to be late for school.

MASHA
(Softly)
Coming
(Elena and Masha catch the bus to school. During the whole ride, Masha looks nervously out the window. A few minutes later the bus arrives at the school. Masha anxiously tags alongside her sister as they go into the school. Shortly after getting inside, Elena leads her sister to the elevator.)

ELENA
(To Masha)
You need to go to the third floor. I'll meet you right here after school.
(Masha takes the elevator to the third floor. Not knowing any English, poor Masha tries to find what she guesses is the room number. Unfortunately, the floor is quite large and she is unable to even figure out which hall the classroom is in. She is soon in tears when a teacher comes up to her.)

MR. JACOBS
(To Masha)
Can I help you?
(Unable to understand a single word, a confused looking Masha starts crying. He catches a glance at her school ID hanging on her neck and sees her name - Maria Igorevna Simchitova.)

MR. JACOBS
(in a friendly tone)
Do you understand English?
(Masha continues to look with complete confusion. He notices the schedule in her hand. Seeing that he is trying to help, she lets him take it from her.)

MR. JACOBS
Let's see here... you have first period with Mr. Moore in room 375. (He motions for Masha to follow him.)
(A moment later Mr. Jacobs arrives at room 375 with a scared Masha, whose face clearly shows she has been crying.)

MR. JACOBS
(To Mr. Moore)
This is Maria Simchitova. I found her crying in the hallway. She doesn't speak any English.

MR. MOORE
(To Mr. Jacobs)
Are you sure you have the right class? This is AP Human Geography.

MR. JACOBS
(Leaving the classroom)
I know.


Act 1 Scene 7- Geography Class


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
Mette tries to start trouble during first period

(The bell rings, signaling the start of the first class of the day. Mr. Moore begins roll call. In the meantime, Mrs. Johannessen, the co-teacher for the department's Norwegian immersion classes decides to hang around to do paperwork- and to keep an eye on her daughter, Mette.)

MR. MOORE
Kristian Bjorkman?

KRISTIAN
Here

MR. MOORE
Margaret Brewster?

MAGGIE
Here. (Pause) But you can call me, Maggie.
(Further down the list...)

MR. MOORE
Mette Johanessen... (looking at Mette in the front row) there you are.

METTE
(Grinning)
Actually, that would be Mette Marit. As in Her Highness.

MR. MOORE
You have a lot of nerve for someone whose mother is sitting in the back.
(Most of the class laughs. Mrs. Johanessen shakes her head in embarrassment.)
(A few minutes later, the kitchen timers go off in Ms. Mervine's classroom next door. Didi, Emma, Mette, and Sasha break into hysterics.)

MR. MOORE
(To Didi, Emma, Mette, and Sasha)
Something tells me you all had something to do with that. (Pause) I'll have to keep my eyes on the four of you.
(Mr. Moore then begins to hand out the syllabus. As he is doing so, Mette turns around in her seat and begins talking and laughing with Emma.)

MR. MOORE
Turn around and stop talking, Mette. (Pause) That goes for you too, Emma.
(A moment later, Mette turns back around and resumes talking with Emma. The two of them are giggling.)

MR. MOORE
(To Emma and Mette)
It's a shame I don't have any duct tape.

SANDRA
(Enthusiastically)
I have some!
(Sandra pulls out a roll of duct tape.)

MR. MOORE
Tempting

MRS. JOHANNESSEN
(To Mr. Moore)
You have my permission.
(A moment later, Mette finds her self duct taped to the back of the chair.

A few minutes later, Mr. Jacobs passes by and laughs. Mr. Moore sees him standing by the open door.)

MR. JACOBS
(Grinning)
What did I miss?

MR. MOORE
(Casually)
Mette prefers talking to Emma over staying in her seat.

MR. JACOBS
In that case, you should have duct taped Emma, too.

EMMA
Dad!

MR. MOORE
(To Mr. Jacobs, grinning)
That can be arranged.
(The two of them duct tape Emma to the chair before Mr. Jacobs returns to his own classroom.)
(A few minutes later, Emma and Mette raise their hands.)

EMMA
Uh, Mr. Moore, we have to use the restroom.

MR. MOORE
(Smiling)
That's too bad.

METTE
(To Mr. Moore)
What if there's a fire?

MRS. JOHANNESSEN
(From the back of the room, casually)
I guess you die.
(A few minutes later, Mr. Moore panics when he sees Ms. Selariu pop in. But she quickly starts laughing.)

MS. SELARIU
What happened here?

MR. MOORE
(Looking at Emma and Mette)
These two would not stop interrupting the class. (Referring to Sandra) Ms. Guiseppi here was kind enough to provide me with some duct tape.

METTE
(To Sandra, in a quiet voice)
We hate you.

MS. SELARIU
Unfortunately, you have to untie them before Dr. Romanova happens to pass by. (Pause) But let me take a picture first.


Act 1 Scene 8- Untitled Scene


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
Mr. Joyner's first period class plays several pranks on him

(Mr. Joyner is about to take roll call for his class. Unknown to him, one of his students, Katarzyna Winogroszka, also known as Kasia, has replaced much of the supplies on his desk with prank versions. When he goes to grab the pen to take roll call with, he gets a shock.

Kasia and several other students laugh.)

MR. JOYNER
Ha ha. Very funny.
(He opens the drawer to grab a replacement pen. Unfortunately for him, Kasia anticipated this and replaced the entire drawer with shock pens. After a few shocks, he gives up and uses the only writing instrument in the classroom that isn't booby-trapped, a dry erase marker.)
(A few minutes later, Mr. Joyner leaves the classroom to go to the bathroom. When he comes back, he sees that the entire class has turned their desks and chairs around to face the back wall.)

MR. JOYNER
(Laughing)
I'm afraid to find out what you have planned for the rest of the school year.


Act 1 Scene 9- Cooking Class


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
Second period

(During roll call...)

MS. AUSDERAU
(Looking at the roster, struggling to pronounce the name)
Roo-

ROOS
Roos Clasen. Pronounced like 'rose' which is also what it means in English.

MS. AUSDERAU
(To Roos)
Thank you, Roos.

ROOS
(To the teacher)
You can also call me Miss Awesomeness

MS. AUSDERAU
(Sarcastically)
Ha ha
(Later in the roll call...)

MS. AUSDERAU
(Looking at Diana)
Didi?

DIANA
Who's Didi? You must have the wrong person.

MS. AUSDERAU
(To Diana, sarcastically)
Very funny. (Pause) I have to call you Didi, because even with the different pronunciation, I'll feel like I'm talking to myself the whole year.

DIANA
(With a straight face)
Seriously, I do not know this Didi you speak of.
(Roos high fives Diana)

MS. AUSDERAU
(To Diana)
Perhaps a call to your mother on the next floor will jog your memory.

DIANA
Touché


Act 1 Scene 10- Third Period


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
Role call becomes increasingly difficult

(After the difficult roll call in the last class, all Ms. Ausderau wants is to just get through the roll call in the next class quickly and painlessly. She begins to call out the names...))

MS. AUSDERAU
Danette Ackerman?

DANI
Here

MS. AUSDERAU
(Trying to read Solveig Christensen's name)
Sol-ve... Uh...Christensen?

SOLVEIG
Sol-vigh Christensen

MS. AUSDERAU
(Trying to read Nienke Dijkstra's name)
Ni-en-ka Di-

NIENKE
Neen-ka Dike-stra
(Further down the list...)

MS. AUSDERAU
(Trying to read Eleonoora Harmaajarvi's name)
Ele-nora....? (Gives up) This is going to be a long year...

NORA
El-i-o-NOR-ah Har-mah-jar-vi

But you can just call me Nora.

MS. AUSDERAU
(Grateful, yet despondent)
Thanks, Nora


Act 1 Scene 11- English Class


INT. THE SCHOOL - UNSPECIFIED TIME
Mette continues her antics during fifth period


MS. JACOBS
(To class)
This is a class for gifted students, so I'll be expecting a lot more from you than the other classes.

METTE
Yeah, those losers in Honors English have nothing on us.
(Several students laugh)
(Sasha raises her hand)

MS. JACOBS
Yes, Sasha?

SASHA
Me think me in wrong class. Me no speak English.

MS. JACOBS
(To Sasha)
Come on. I know your mother was an English teacher in Russia, so you're not going to fool me.

SASHA
My mother teach English? That unpossible.
(The whole class laughs)

MS. JACOBS
(To Mette and Sasha)
Now, young ladies, I'd like to remind you that your mothers are just a phone call away.
(Emma laughs)

MS. JACOBS
(To Emma, with a threatening look)
Now, you, don't forget we live in the same house, so I wouldn't be laughing if I were you.
(A few students snicker.)


Act 2 Scene 1- Second Day Of Class


INT. THE SCHOOL - WEDNESDAY MORNING
Roos tries to get rid of a bad smell by burning paper

(On the third day of school, Ms. Ausderau's second period class is assigned in groups of three (along with one two person group) the task of making an inventory of each group's kitchen. Diana, Tanya, and Roos notice a strange smell coming from their kitchen on the far side of the class.)

DIANA
It smells funny over here.

SARAH
(From the adjacent kitchen)
Yeah, it does smell funny.

TANYA
If we had some incense, we could use it to kill the smell. Too bad we don't have any...

ROOS
(Enthusiastically)
I can make some!
(Roos quickly takes a piece of paper to one of the gas stoves and lights it. Unfortunately, the whole sheet of paper quickly catches on fire. Ms. Ausderau, who was buried in paperwork, looks up to see Roos scream and drop the paper in panic. By the time Ms. Ausderau puts out the fire with the extinguisher, the fire alarm goes off.

The stairwells quickly become congested as the whole school files out. Unfortunately, it has just begun to rain.)

DIANA
(Walking down the stairs)
You are sooooo in trouble, Roos.

SARAH
(To Diana)
You think?!
(The sounds of fire trucks can soon be heard. Outside the building, Ms. Ausderau and her students encounter Mr. Jacobs standing with his class.)

MS. AUSDERAU
(In an embarrassed tone)
My class did this. (Pause) Third day of school, too. (with sarcasm) Great, aren't they?
(Mr. Joyner overhears the conversation.)

MR. JOYNER
(To Ms. Ausderau, with a grin)
So it's your fault we're standing out here in the rain.

MR. MOORE
(To Diana)
If it makes you feel any better, Valerie here had several kitchen timers go off at the same time on the first day.

MS. MERVINE
(To Mr. Moore)
Your students put them there!


Act 2 Scene 2- Untitled Scene


INT. THE SCHOOL - THURSDAY MORNING - SECOND PERIOD
The next morning


ROOS
(To Diana, casually)
Sorry about yesterday.

MS. AUSDERAU
Yeah, sure.

ROOS
You still mad?

MS. AUSDERAU
Am I? You caused the evacuation of 3500 people!

ROOS
Nobody's perfect.
(Ms. Ausderau plants her face in her hands.)


Act 3 Scene 1- Untitled Scene


INT. THE SCHOOL - FRIDAY MORNING -SECOND PERIOD
Mr. Joyner's class surprises him with a gift

(After the bell rings, Kasia pulls out a gift wrapped box.)

KASIA
(To Mr. Joyner)
We got you a gift.

MR. JOYNER
(Skeptical)
Is it a bomb, by any chance?

KASIA
Don't be silly open it.
(Not trusting the class, he carefully opens the box. Inside is a mug and coffee.)

RACHEL
(To Mr. Joyner)
We wanted to get a head start on earning some brownie points.

MR. JOYNER
Does this mean there won't be any more pranks?

ALANA
Fat chance
(In the teachers' office Mr. Joyner mentions the gift his students gave him to some of the other teachers.)

MR. MOORE
(Looking at Mette who is standing by her mother.)
Where's my gift?

METTE
If you wait, I can get my mom to take me to Dollar Tree.
(Mrs. Johannessen gives her daughter a stern look.)

MR. MOORE
(Sarcastically)
Ha ha. Very funny, Mette.


Act 3 Scene 2- Untitled Scene


INT. THE SCHOOL - SECOND PERIOD
Ms. Ausderau's second period class makes peace with her

(When Ms, Ausderau walks in, her students are holding a surprise for her - a giant teddy bear and a card the size of a kitchen counter that reads "We're Sorry". Sarah and Roos hand her the gifts.)

SARAH
(To Ms. Ausderau)
We didn't want you to stay mad at us, so we bought you a gift.

MS. AUSDERAU
(Peeking at the car briefly before closing it)
Aww, I'll have to read this later so I don't cry.

ROOS
Does this mean I'm out of trouble?

MS. AUSDERAU
(To Roos)
Nice try.
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