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Rated: 13+ · Lyrics · Comedy · #2080365
We know who will square off for the presidency in November. 2nd Pl. Kittiara's WC April'16
Note: This story was a submission for the April, 2016 Kittiara's Writing Contest. To view the contest rules, click on Contest Rules:

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Picture...This!

Backwards Th-INK-er


(Note: So there I was, driving home from work a few days ago. I turned on the radio and heard the commentator talking about a "showdown" between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Personally, I'd already had way too much of that pair already, so I changed the station. Lo and behold, I heard Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow performing one of my favorite songs: Picture. Immediately my mind -- comprised mostly of tortured brain cells and other useless debris -- had an epiphany, and Picture This! was born. Pretty sure Kid and Sheryl might be insulted -- I would be -- but I proceeded in spite of that...)


(Above is the song should you choose to follow along musically)



[Donald]

Draggin' the RNC through a slow hell
They all hate my guts; I say, "Oh well"
They say it's all because of my "obnoxious ways"
The RNC's reaction is risky,
'Cause they'll rue the day they went out and dissed me
About to find out just how bad "Dirty Donnie" plays!
Next, I'll put Hillary away
Can she beat "The Donald'? -- No way!
I'll look straight at you while I'm lyin' all 'bout her.
Yes, I'll put 'Chillary' away, and make everyone's day
Delighted you'll be, when I finally dispose of her!

[Hillary]

Saw you last night at the hotel
Don, that silly comb-over looks like hell
Yet the latest Gallup polls tell me
Somethin' just ain't right
Been waitin' to be prez for a long time
Barack already twice took what was to be mine
Think it's time to play the card for "women's rights"
Yes, I'll put dear Donnie away
The voters are sick of men
They won't vote for Trump after what I do to him
Soon they'll take Donald away
When I claim he's Mexican
They'll all vote for me while they're busy deportin' him.


Won't be long before your campaign must end

[Donald]

I think you need to go change your Depends

[Donald & Hillary]

I'd do anything to simply get you outta my way.

[Donald]

Hillary, you've seen better days

[Hillary]

I hope your comb-over blows away!

You remind me of Lurch

[Donald]

Thought I saw Bill with Monica today!

[Donald & Hillary]

I swear I'll see that you do hard time
The American public sure won't mind
Why don't you just pack up and go away?
I saw a new poll today
I'd like to throw it away!
Pretty soon one of us losers will head back home
Whomever wins election day
Will no-doubt be indicted by May
Probably best if both of us just packed up and went back home
Probably best if both of us just packed up and went back home

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Lines: 41

The original lines by Kid rock, if you're interested:

"Picture" by Kid Rock
(featuring Sheryl Crow)

[Kid Rock]
Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to her

[Sheryl Crow]
I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they wont tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin' just ain't right
I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in 3 damn nights
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I put your picture away
I wonder where you been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him
I saw ya yesterday with an old friend

[Kid Rock]
It was the same ole same "how have you been"

[Both]

Since you been gone my worlds been dark & grey

[Kid Rock]

You reminded me of brighter days

[Sheryl Crow]

I hoped you were comin' home to stay

I was headed to church

[Kid Rock]

I was off to drink you away

[Both]

I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say I want you to come back home
I just called to say, I love you come back home
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