Insights into a brilliant mind that is falling behind
| 'It is dangerous to be too happy, they will take it away'.Â
'Who will take it away...?'
'They just will trust me, I know'
'Don't be silly, you know it will never happen'
And happen it did. In two weeks you lose everything. Everything you have worked so hard forÂ 'in the end it doesn't even matter, I had to fall, to lose it all'. Remember the song? Truth.
Fatalism, maybe. But this is what life has taught me now. 15 years working on your dreams, believing them, confirming them, living them and then boom! One night you wake up, something strange is going on in your head, and it won't stop. It won't stop until you lose it all. It only took two weeks after that. What I had was probably not as solid as I thought it was. Probably just people's vision of it. When you start listening to people it's the end. When I was doing my own thing without listening I was unstoppable, now I am useless.
15 years to avoid becoming that person that has destroyed your life, and who are you now? exactly that person. Fate does not forget you, it will get you. You can work as hard as you want, but if you are destined to fail, you will fail. And strange dreams haunting you and showing you that you will die young and in a tragic way. But you are too happy to believe them; but now you get them...and they get you! No escape, don't believe those liesÂ 'if you work hard you will have a happy life',Â 'if you work hard it will pay off'. It won't, you are just wasting your time, as I am wasting mine writing this.
For 5 years I believed them, I was the perfect daughter, perfect girlfriend, perfect student...I was just perfect. Let's go back to the beginning.
An unhappy child, too reflective for her age, too hopeful