30 Rock Spec Script

Jenna sets Liz up with her personal trainer.

Jenna sets single Liz up with her personal trainer, Mitchell. They hit it off. Mitchell admires Liz's wit and shares her love of New York hot dogs. They have a hot-dog eating contest, which Liz wins. Mitchell goes on and on at the next training session with Jenna about how wonderful Liz is, and Jenna gets jealous. She tries to seduce Mitchell by feigning fascination with his first love: bodybuilding. She blows off work when he invites her to come with him to the Arnold Classic, even though she has no idea what that is.

Meanwhile, back at work, Jack has invited Carrie Fisher to do a cameo. In fact, it's probably contractual, not a favor. Carrie is required to make an appearance on TGS due to a promotional endorsement. She is unhappy to be there in the first place, so behaves like a total bitch. Tracy keeps forgetting her name and calling her "Princess Leia". Liz (who keeps asking where Jenna is) is feeling very ill due to her hot dog antics the previous night, and she keeps having to run off to the bathroom.

Jenna, who has inadvertently gone out of town (since the Arnold Classic takes place in Columbus, Ohio), misses the show. Tracy has to do an extra sketch and some improv, and Carrie goes off on a sarcastic rant on live TV, including screaming at Tracy: "My NAME is CARRIE FISHER!" for which Jack and Liz have to answer to later.

Jenna returns, hobbling into the studio on an injured leg. Liz goes off on her:

Liz: "Where have you been, Jenna? You missed the show! You can't miss the show!"

Jenna: "I'm really sorry, Liz. You're right. I shouldn't have missed the show. It was a boring trip and totally not worth missing being on cam-ah-ra for my adoring fans."

Liz: "Wait, no. I mean because of your contractu-:

Jenna continues as if Liz never spoke. "I ended up firing Mitchell."

Liz blinks and shakes her head. "You what?" She looks down at Jenna's leg. "Did he hurt you?"

Jenna: "Oh, no. I did this to myself on the treadmill after I fired him."

Liz takes a deep breath. "Do I even want to know where you were?"

Jenna: "Columbus, Ohio for something called the Arnold Classic."

Liz: "You flew to OHIO?"

Jenna: "I know. I'm just as appalled as you. It's why I fired Mitchell. I can't associate with anyone who would go to Ohio, for goodness sake, for any reason. Plus, he's moving to Sacramento to be closer to Arnold Schwarzenegger."

Pause.

Liz: "So he's quitting."

Jenna: "No. I fired him for moving to Sacramento. And taking me to OHIO."

Liz: "Well, that's just fantastic. I hope he enjoys the inferior Sacramento hot dogs."

Jenna: "Liz, people don't move to Sacramento for the hot dogs."

Liz: "I know, I was just - never mind." A small gurgle comes from Liz, and she holds her belly, looking embarrassed.

Jenna: "Should I apologize to my fans on cam-ah-ra for missing the show?"

Liz: "No, it's okay. We worked it out Tracy did a couple extra sketches, and Carrie Fisher filled in for you."

Jenna is shocked. "Carrie Fisher was here? She was my childhood acting hero! She looks great on cam-ah-ra, especially in that metal bikini. Was she amazing? I can't believe I didn't get to meet her! I bet she was amazing. I went to OHIO instead of meeting Carrie Fisher! What was she like?"

Liz: "Actually, she was a total bitch."

Jenna sinks onto the couch, staring off into space. "Just like I knew she would be. I want to be her so badly. I don't know if I'll ever be as big a bitch as Carrie Fisher."