Thoughts (not necessarily organized) about the last year and half of my life.
| Let me see... Today...
Oh, yes – I get my stitches out.
1300 hrs. I believe. Yes, that's it.
Dr. Cotner at the VA. Nice fellow.
Then I can go climbing today!
Climbing – my life right now, literally...
Both therapy and life pursuit;
Enthusiasm and homework from the Doc.
Doctors. I was going to be one.
Fifteen years, I studied – almost 16 years of school.
I performed a nigh perfect med school interview,
Only to be cheated out of my seat in the class.
Devastation. That is all I could feel, and still feel.
My psychiatrist of over 11 years retired only two months
After I found out. Part of my identity...
All ripped from my chest, my mind left reeling.
Was there mercy from any? I stopped going to church.
Anger – smoldering, churning, spoiling for a fight anger.
Grief – part of me had died and the other part murdered.
What was left was a mentally ill war veteran with a mutilated soul.
PTSD. A severe and chronic case in me,
A lifelong challenge with which I need help overcoming –
Enter my new psychiatrist, the Doc.
A gracious and compassionate man with a heart for people.
The Doc agreed to be both my doctor and my therapist,
Knowing full well what he was getting into. He knew me.
To his credit, he took me on despite that, and did so happily.
While forming his private practice, he also made it affordable for me.
"We need to get you down to Steep World." What is that?
"The climbing gym. It's Downtown." He believes in me.
A behaviorist – in contrast to my last psychiatrist, who was psychodynamic –
Teaching me DBT skills and how to hope again is what I have.
Climbing. An instant addiction for me.
A discipline combining problem-solving with a motor component...
Exactly what I need to focus, to regulate my emotions,
And an invaluable distress tolerance skill.
Bouldering. Climbing. These beat going into the psych ward any day.
Oh, yes. I get my stitches out today. At 1300 hrs.
Then I can go climbing! I can break in my new climbing shoes...
They should be great for toe hooks and heel hooks!