by Arthur Say
A short story about a depression
|It is boring to stay at home. It is obnoxious to read books. When you are out, it is cold and hostile everywhere. Dull and unkind faces. Faces that are happy too much. The noise annoys you. You are depressed. You are back home. It is all the same in your flat. Silence and loneliness. Dark thoughts. To call somebody? Useless: people irritate you. You start to consider. Thoughts are running in circles. Looks like you will start to spew because of them. You feel that anguish is even more insufferable than ever before. You come out on the balcony. You look at stars and you wait for enlightenment. But it doesn’t come. You look down. The height scares you. It astounds you. A minute considering. Yes, it is nothing to lose. You climb over the handrail and jump down. Wind is beating on your face. The ground is approaching quickly. You are full of terror. It comes closer and closer. Suddenly… The entire darkness. And after that – the blinding light. And voices above you.
“Cut the navel-cord!”
“Boy or girl?”
“It’s a boy!”
You are tiny and helpless and you scream. Somebody wraps you in a sheet.
“Please, no! Again?” you think in despair or rather feel, because you don’t know any word.
That’s why you scream even louder.
“Such a strong voice!” somebody says. “Why do they always scream that loud?”