I Ignored All the Signs

I felt God had forsaken me.

I wanted so much for it to be You
that I ignored all the signs from hell.
After all this time alone here,
I thought he had to be the answer,
the answer to many nights of prayer.

I ignored all the signs from Heaven
that told me he wasn't the one.
Now I find myself crying red tears.
Frustration and anger are gaining ground.

The seething ache of a broken heart
envelops me, and my hope crashes
wave after wave into a jagged rock of damnation.

I ignored all the signs from hell.
I hoped on in faith. Have I been forsaken?
Why is there a barrier to joy?
To true and lasting love?
All of these years staid in faith have only prepared me to fail.

Have You forsaken me?
Oh God.
You said, "Everlasting joy shall be yours," then You snatched that promise away.

I want to say I don't believe You anymore,
but that would mean denying You, and I won't do that.

Digging deeper, I find another tidbit of faith and so I linger with that morsel and its brother, hope. I have found my inner strength once again.