by Z a
A result of an impulse to write
|This is how I cope with missing you: by not coping with it.
Let me clarify: I don’t wallow in self-pity. If you saw me go about my daily business – no in fact if you could read my mind throughout the day – your name in my mind would just be a noun, the definition floating around with the definitions of words like ‘sky’ and ‘orange’.
The way I cope with missing you is simply by forgetting you, while keeping in mind that I should remember you after a while. I don’t keep an alarm for it. Something reminds me of you at intervals of a few minutes or a few hours, so I think of you.
I’ve had so much practice missing you that thinking about my missing you bores me, so after a few minutes I move on.
The whole forgetting thing, it works like this:
You see, it’s easy to forget that I have a routine appointment two weeks after booking it
It ain’t so easy forgetting a name etched in my mind
I am as aware of you as my eyes staring back at me in the mirror
So don’t think the veils in my mind above your remembrance equate to me not loving you
That veil serves as a distraction for me. The girl in love gushes over the veil like she does over the pretty fabric covering a diamond. She already knows the diamond is beautiful and captivating. She knows turning the diamond catches the light in different ways, likewise do the different angles of his face which demonstrate beauty in a thousand manners.
So know that I miss you
I don’t miss missing you
It just means I acknowledge the time left until seeing you for a few minutes a day rather than for hours at a time
Adding it all up, it’s like I only have to wait an hour to see you. It’s like sleeping. One minute you just fall asleep, the next minute dawn paints your eyelids.
Meanwhile, I distract myself.