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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2118287
Rated: E · Monologue · Dark · #2118287
Random Ramblings
So I'm mediocre then. Heh, I guess I should have expected as much. I can't find out why my mind will not work. My mind will not work. My mind is stuck in static. My heart is fleeting, my stomach, hungry.

I breathe every moment of life as my soul penetrates through my bowels. What am I? Am I special? Am I normal? Am I human? I don't know anymore. I just know that I exist as an impure human begging for someone to help me.

help.

help.

someone... help me.

I say this over and over again but I do not find myself receiving help. I find myself stuck... Trapped inside myself. I can't move forward, and I can't move back. I am stuck in limbo wondering 'Where did I go wrong?'

Oh god, what I have I done with my life?! I'm so wasteful. I am so unforgivable. I am so useless that I cannot find meaning anymore. I live purely to exist and nothing else! What sick tragedy is this?! What kind of book am I writing for my life?! I do not know anymore.

I am stuck.

help.

help.

Somebody... help... me.

But no one comes. Only no one will come.

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Part 2

______________________________________________________________

When will loneliness go away? Why am I left in the dark? Why does everyone participate in something that I don't get the joy or pleasure of sharing in?

Do I have to force my way in? Do I need to let myself in? Am I too insane for this?

They know... They know.... They know...

For all they know... I am a footstep away from a suicide...

For all they know... I am just a mere shadow of a human spectacle...

For all they know... I am just a broken heart... Jack's little toy...

For all they know... I can just be dead... no one knows... no one cares...

For all they know... I am god's little puppet, his little entertainment...

Someone shut me out of all this... I am left out and I feel as though it is on purpose too...

God I am pitiful... a little chew-toy for people to play with...

A little monster no one can relate too...

A massive disgrace upon everything that the world never wanted...

A poor creation in the design of society...

society... society... society...

what the fuck does that even mean anyway?

...

...

...

I'm alone...

...

...

...

All alone...

...

...

...

What am I suppose to do when the world is so blatantly obvious about the loneliness that I feel?

I am rude.
I am disgusting.
I am riddled with guilt.
I am screwed up in the head.
I am of silence.
I am of nothing.

All I wanted is nothing for my existence.

Not a shred or ounce of existence.

Nothing... nothing at all...
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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2118287