by Rex Kramer
Sincere kudos/apologies to the late, great Douglas Adams for this blatant rip-off
The floating fleet hummed. Not in a whimsical way, but rather in the low growl of a wolfpack preparing to go for the throat. When the humming ceased, however, the true threat was revealed.
“Attention inhabitants of the third world from the star Sol,” a baritone voice boomed, so penetrating it rattled every atom on the planet. “As you have been repeatedly informed, per the Galactic Retribution Act, your world has been selected for vaporization. If you must, please use your remaining minute to make peace with this. That is all.” The humming resumed.
From miles above the surface, the alien fleet was oblivious to the panic that ensued below. One sharp-eyed pilot, however, spotted an elderly humanoid female atop the planet’s highest point waving a parka over her head. “Yes, you there,” the booming voice acknowledged. “What’s the fuss?”
Margaret sucked in the thin air to answer. “What do you mean, ‘repeatedly informed?’ This is the first I’m hearing of this!”
The hum returned while the disembodied voice mulled. “Messages have been left for 100 years at the Galactic offices on Proxima Centauri. We’ve been more than fair.”
Margaret, the former science teacher, argued on Earth’s behalf that man had yet to leave the solar system, much less visit the nearest star.
“Look,” the voice sighed. “It’s only 4 light years away. If you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs that’s on you.”
The humming intensified as the orbs, piloted exclusively by dodo birds, prepared to fire.