Xena Warrior Princess and Gabrielle meet Jesus.
Here is a fan fiction story, based on the former TV Series Xena Warrior Princess and the Bible, in which Xena and Gabrielle meet Jesus.
I do not own the characters Xena or Gabrielle. They belong to whoever produced the TV Series “Xena Warrior Princess”. The Biblical Characters are all in Public Domain. Amen.
Any heresies or blasphemies are unintentional.
This story contains violence, but not as graphic as Mel Gibson’s version.
I think this is closer to what you might hear, from any faithful preacher of the Gospel, on any Sunday Morning. I’ll give this a PG 13 rating.
May the words of this writing, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in the sight of God, our Strength and our Redeemer.
See Lord, Here Are Two Swords
Xena and I were already on a ship far from land, before the sacred harlot was found murdered, in the Treasury of the Temple of Aphrodite in Ephesus, where a minor amount of money was missing.
By the time we disembarked at Tyre, the Priesthood of Aphrodite had added another 10,000 sesterces reward, to all the other rewards, for the heads of Xena the Warrior Princess, and me, her companion Gabrielle. Whether or not our heads were attached to our bodies, all the rewards would be paid in full.
The two of us were now in Judea. The time was early Spring, and we were moving among a crowd of pilgrims approaching Jerusalem, where they planned to attend the ancient Judean Celebration called “Passover”. We were dressed in the robes of Judean women.
The day was hot. We were thirsty and exhausted, and we were climbing uphill.
“Xena.” My voice was hoarse. “This is the end of us, isn’t it?”
“No.” She told me, “Not as long as we keep moving.”
“I’m tired of constantly moving. There’s never any rest. Why don’t we just give ourselves up, and take what we’ve got coming to us?
“Do you know what we’ve got coming to us Gabrielle?”
I nodded. “We’re warrior women, so you and I’ll be sentenced to fight each other to the death in the Arena. You’ll kill me with no trouble at all. Then they’ll kill you with a lot more trouble. We’ll die fighting, beautiful and brave, just like warrior women should.”
“If we were ordinary warrior women who’d been captured in battle, that’s what would happen, but for all the things you and I’ve done, we’re not getting off that easy. You and I are gonna be getting crucified.”
I said, “Then let’s keep moving.”
We were moving through a village named Bethany. We stopped to rest in the shade of a whitewashed stucco building and sat down there, under the eave of its red tile roof, to rest awhile, leaning against the wall.
Many people dressed in black garments were entering and leaving through the doorway of the house.
Through the window we heard people repeating, “I was so sorry to hear about Lazarus.”
A woman said, “We sent word to the Master a week ago. We told him, ‘The one you love is deathly sick.’ But He has not come.”
Another man inside the house said, “The Master is coming now.”
A young man in rich garments stepped outside, and stood beside the doorway. His eyes scanned through the passing crowd. A young man in dusty, plain garments stepped out of the crowd and came over to him.
He spoke respectfully, “Good day, Joseph of Arimathea.”
The wealthy young man said, “And good day to you Phillip. I hear that you are among the Disciples of the Rabbi Jesus of Nazareth.”
“True. I am.”
“Tell me Phillip. Who do you say that He is?”
Phillip told him, “He is the Christ. The Son of the Living God.”
Joseph of Arimathea put a finger to his lips.
Xena groaned and spoke softly. “Another son of another god?”
I smiled, “Another Hercules?”
Xena groaned again.
Now there was a commotion in the crowd. Everyone was turning their attention along the way we’d just come. A group of about a dozen men had entered the village. Xena and I stood up to see what was going on.
People kept calling out the name “Jesus!”
This Jesus was in the center of the group of twelve. He was no Hercules. He looked like any man.
He approached the doorway where he was greeted by Joseph of Arimathea and Phillip.
Joseph said, “Good teacher. What must I do to inherit eternal life?”
I couldn’t imagine anyone asking that of Hercules.
Jesus answered, “Why do you call me good? No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.”
“Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
“One thing you lack.” He said. “Go sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Joseph of Arimathea was taken aback. His face was sorrowful, and he went away down the street, apparently grieving.
Jesus looked around and said to His disciples, “Children, how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
His disciples looked at each other. One of them asked, “Who then can be saved?”
Jesus told them, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”
I also couldn’t imagine Hercules telling any of those things to anybody.
Now a woman stepped out through the doorway, dressed entirely in black, and stood in front of Jesus.
“Lord,” she said, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
“Martha,” Jesus said to her, “your brother will rise again.”
“I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
“Yes, Lord,” she told Him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”
After she said this, she went back inside the house.
I heard her call out, “Mary! The Teacher is here, and is asking for you.”
Martha and a younger woman, also dressed in black, came back outside. The younger woman fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
When Jesus saw her, and everyone else weeping, He looked deeply troubled.
He asked, “Where have you laid him?”
“Come and see Lord.”
Now Jesus wept.
Some people in the crowd said, “See how he loved him?”
Others asked, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”
Then Jesus, His disciples, Martha, Mary, and everyone in the crowd, including me and Xena, headed away from the house, going to where Lazarus was buried.
The tomb was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance.
Jesus said, “Take the stone away.”
“But Lord,” Martha said, “By now he will be stinking, for he has been there four days.”
Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”
So they took away the stone.
Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
When he had said this, Jesus called out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!”
Then the dead man came out alive.
That is what happened. I was there, so was Xena, and so were many of the leaders of the Judeans.
When I’d first seen Jesus, I’d thought, he’s no son of Zeus. Now I wondered. Is He the Son of the God of Israel?
Now the crowd returned from the empty tomb of Lazarus, along with Lazarus, Mary and Martha, Jesus and all his Disciples.
Xena said, “I thought I’d seen and heard it all. This is one day I will never forget.”
Phillip was walking near us. He said, “With Jesus, this is an ordinary day. He is constantly healing the sick, raising the dead, and casting out demons. He’s fed 5,000 with an offering of five loaves and two fishes. He stopped a storm by saying ‘Peace! Be still!’ and I was there when He walked on water.”
A man in priestly garments, named Simon the Pharisee spoke to Phillip.
He said, “If your master is a righteous man, why does he eat and drink with tax collectors and with sinners?”
Now Jesus called out to him, “Those who are healthy have no need of a physician, but those who are ill. I have come to call the sinners, not the righteous to repentance.”
We returned to Lazarus’ house. That night people were crowded inside. They’d come to see both him and Jesus. Many of the Chief Priests had come out from Jerusalem. Joseph of Arimathea had returned, along with an elderly priest named Nicodemus.
As we were going inside, I happened to overhear Simon the Pharisee speaking quietly to one of the Chief Priests, with whom he was standing in a corner.
Simon said, “What are we accomplishing? Here is this man performing many miraculous signs. If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and then the Romans will come and take away both our place and our nation.”
The Chief priest told him, “You know nothing at all! You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish.”
Now inside the house, Jesus continued teaching.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Now Simon the Pharisee spoke. “Teacher,” he said, “we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”
Everyone was silent. There was tension in the room. If Jesus said no, then he could be executed for treason.
“You hypocrite,” Jesus spoke sharply, “Why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.”
They brought him a denarius.
He asked them, “Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?”
Then he said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”
Then he spoke to us all, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
That night I told Xena, “Whoever He is, this Jesus is no Hercules.”
Xena said, “Who is Hercules?”
The following morning, Jesus rose early; so did we all. He sat upon a young donkey, and rode off toward Jerusalem, surrounded by His Disciples. The rest of us followed.
Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus remained with the crowd.
Nicodemus said, “Behold Joseph, the scripture is fulfilled which says, “Do not be afraid, O Daughter of Zion; see, your king is coming, seated on a donkey’s colt.”
Then we rounded the corner and Jerusalem came into view. Upon seeing the City Jesus wept over it.
He said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”
A great crowd came out from Jerusalem, carrying palm branches and shouting.
“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”
“Blessed is the King of Israel!”
Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!”
“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out!”
Then we entered the City. Jesus, His disciples, and many in the crowd entered the Temple. Xena and I were not Israelites, so we were forbidden to enter.
In the middle of the afternoon, a large crowd emerged from the Temple. Jesus was among them. There was shouting and angry arguments were going on.
I asked someone what was wrong.
He said, “Jesus overturned the tables of the money changers, and drove them out of the Temple. He denounced the Chief Priests as hypocrites. He said they had turned God’s House of Prayer, into a den of thieves.”
Then man returned to the arguing crowd.
Xena said, “He’s gonna get himself killed.”
I told her, “Then He’s gonna need us.”
She nodded. “That’s what we’re here for.”
Phillip was in the crowd near us. Xena and I went over to him.
“Sir.” she said, “We would like to see Jesus. My name is Xena, the Warrior Princess. She is Gabrielle. You may have heard of us.”
The Disciple nodded.
“We believe He is putting Himself in great danger, and we are offering Him our protection.”
Phillip stepped away from us, and spoke to another disciple. The other man looked at us. Then the two of them went over to Jesus and spoke to Him.
Jesus looked at us, and for a moment, I saw fear in His eyes.
Then He spoke. “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.
“Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father glorify your name!”
Then I heard a thundering voice which said, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.”
Everyone in the crowd was startled.
Xena said, “That was thunder.”
I said, “An angel has spoken to Him.”
Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. Now is the time for the judgment of this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself.”
That night, Jesus and His Disciples gathered in an upper room, where they celebrated the Judean’s Feast called the Passover, and ate their Sacred Meal together. Xena and I stood guard at the door. Jesus and his twelve disciples reclined at the table.
Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me.”
His disciples stared at one another.
Then he spoke to his disciple named Judas Iscariot. “What you are about to do, do quickly.”
Then Judas got up from the table, and went out the door.
Now Jesus said to them, “I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God.”
After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, “Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.”
In the same way, after the supper, He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”
Then He spoke to His disciple Simon Peter. “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen you brothers.”
The man replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and death.”
“I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”
Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack for anything?”
They answered, “Nothing.”
He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. It is written: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors’: and I tell you that this must be fulfilled in me. Yes, what is written about me is reaching its fulfillment.”
Then Phillip looked at both me and Xena and said, “See, Lord, here are two swords.”
Jesus replied, “That is enough.”
Then the Passover ended. Jesus and His disciple went out to a garden. Xena and I stood guard at the gate.
He told them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.”
He went a short distance away from them knelt down and prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
Then things were quiet in the garden, for a good amount of time.
Then I heard Jesus shout. “Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation!”
Now a crowd was approaching the Garden. Xena and I drew our swords. The crowd included a detachment of soldiers, and some officials from the chief priests and Pharisees. They were carrying torches, lanterns and weapons.
Xena called out, “Who goes?”
He was the disciple, who Jesus had told to do something quickly.
I told Xena, “He’s brought help.”
The two of us stood aside, and the crowd walked right passed us.
Judas approached Jesus, and greeted him with a kiss, in the manner of the men of the desert.
Jesus asked, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”
Then Xena and I raised our swords, rushed into the crowd, and someone slammed me in the head with a heavy club.
I was aware of nothing.
I opened my eyes. I was lying on a cot, inside a cell, with bars across the entrance, which faced out onto a courtyard, and it was daytime.
So I wasn’t killed last night. I thought, I woke up today. That probably won’t happen again.
A man was seated on a cot across the cell from mine. He was leering at me. Xena stood beside the man, glaring at him.
He said, “I suppose you’re not a harlot either.”
Xena ordered, “Don’t say that word again Barabbas, or when they come to crucify us you’ll already be dead.”
I sat up straight.
“They’re gonna crucify us?”
“I tried to plea bargain it down,” Xena told me, “to us fighting to the death in the Arena; but gladiator combat is banned in Judea; so you and I won’t be getting a light sentence.”
“Well I never expected any kind of light sentence. We’re getting what we’ve deserved for a very long time Xena.”
Barabbas chuckled, “I, on the other hand, will be dying beside two beautiful, naked women, so it won’t be entirely bad, at least for me.”
Xena and I both groaned.
Then Barabbas stopped leering. He pointed out through the bars.
“But that man does not deserve this.”
Out in the courtyard, Jesus stood in a dirty purple robe, with a crown of thorns on His head, and he looked very weakened.
Xena said, “The Governor had him scourged.”
The Governor Pontius Pilate, was seated upon a platform above the courtyard.
He called out, “Behold the man!”
There was a large crowd of Chief Priests and other officials from the Temple, standing there watching. They shouted “Crucify Him! Crucify Him!”
He asked Jesus, “Are you the king of the Jews?”
“Is that your own idea,” Jesus asked, “or did others talk to you about me?”
“Do you think I am a Jew?” Pilate replied. “It was your people and your chief priests who handed you over to me. What is it you have done?”
Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest. But now my kingdom is from another place.”
“You are a king then!”
“You are right in saying I am a king. In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”
Pilate shrugged. “What is truth?”
Then the Governor addressed the crowd. “I find no basis for a charge against him. But it is your custom for me to release to you one prisoner at the time of the Passover. Do you want me to release ‘the king of the Jews’?”
“No, not him! Give us Barabbas!”
Barabbas said, “They want me? Instead of him?”
Pilate called out, “Behold the man!”
Now Simon the Pharisee called out, “If you let this man go, you are no friend of Caesar! Anyone who claims to be a king opposes Caesar.”
Others cried out, “Take him away! Take him away! Crucify him!”
“Shall I crucify your king?”
“We have no king but Caesar!”
Then Pilate told them, “You take him, and crucify him yourselves!”
Then the guards took Jesus away, and he was gone from our sight.
Other guards came to our cell, and opened the door. They shackled Xena and me, but they let Barabbas go. He ran toward the door, went around the corner, and was gone from our sight.
Then Xena and I were led out of the fortress, along with Jesus.
We were taken outside the City gates; and there they crucified us; with Jesus in the center. Xena hung on a cross, on his left hand, while I hung nailed to a cross, with spikes through my wrists and ankles, to Jesus’ right.
I hung there in agony, wanting only to die quickly, like everyone who I’d killed had died; but I would be dying slowly; remembering all the murders, thievery, whorings, and the man who I had not married, preferring this life of crime, and the children I had not borne. I deserved to suffer like this, I thought. I had no right to even wish to die faster.
As I hung there, I heard Jesus cry out, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
A small crowd had gathered to watch him die. Temple officials were among them.
One of them was Simon the Pharisee. He sneered, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.”
Then I heard Xena jeer. “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”
“Xena!” I shouted, “Don’t you fear God, since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong!”
Then I said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
He answered me, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”
Then in a moment, my life and my agony was gone; and that very day, I was with Him in Paradise, and I will be here with Him forever.
I acknowledge that this story does not follow the exact time line as the scriptures. I was not writing “The Gospel According to Gabrielle.” This story is told from the viewpoint of someone who saw only part of what happened, and understood it only in part, and told it as well as she could remember; just like all of us do.