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Rated: 18+ · Interview · Comedy · #2135631
The most depraved, Camp interview of a footballer ever written
The most depraved interview of a footballer ever written.
The most daring interview with top quality Scottish international footballer Kenny Law - McLeish, by the famous reporter Willie Mays.
This is a daring interview which was banned, from the soccer match day programme, with former soccer player for the great, giant team of Dunpool Thistle.
Kenny Law - McLeish had won two European Cups, 5 Scottish Premiership League titles, 6 League Cups, 5 Scottish Cups, and a partridge in a pear tree. OK I made up the stuff about the pear tree. Although he does own a pet pheasant.
The interviewer was the ace Pulitzer prize winning journalist, Willie Mays. The man who had written 6 novels, 8 plays, 5 movies, 25 short stories, 10 poetry anthologies, and dozens of biographies. He had been a war, sports, and art correspondent for dozens of newspapers. Published in the USA, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, England and Greece.
The interview was to be published in the souvenir programme for the European Champions League game with Italian giants Outer Milan, also celebrating the 20th anniversary of Dunpool Thistle’s European Cup final victory over French southern side Nasty.
Nasty, are the main rivals of Nice.
This was the interview, that got Willie Mays banned from the football club he had supported for 40 years.
Who knows what caused him to crack, and go crazy in asking some of the rudest, campest questions ever of a football player? Was it the war wound, the pressure of the collapse of his 7th marriage or did he just want to try comedy?
Willie Mays managed to ask some of the most camp, offensive questions ever asked of a football player.

Here is the transcript of the interview.

Willie Mays
So Kenny. Footballers have to wash together, after the game. So here is a question we all want to know the answer to. Who is the longest in the shower?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Do you mind that is a private question! How dare you even ask a question like that.

Willie Mays
Sorry Kenny. You misunderstand me. Let me put this more clearly. Who takes the longest in the shower?

Kenny Law - McLeish
That is even worse.

Willie Mays
OK I‘ll ask another question.
What is your favourite position?

Kenny Law - McLeish
That is a private question between me and my wife. You are asking for trouble.
I will not answer that question.

Willie Mays
Look you have the wrong idea.
Let me ask another question.
Now we all know footballers like football balls. So what are the best balls you have ever played with?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Listen! You are testing my nerve with these disgusting questions. You creepy man.

Willie Mays
You were a big fan of skilful footballers.
Tell me which footballers had the best ball skills?

Kenny Law - McLeish
That is it! You are testing my nerve.

Willie Mays
Now, you are well known to have considered playing rugby. Did you like playing with rugby shaped balls?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Listen! If you ask me another question like that. I will not be answerable for my conduct.

Willie Mays
There have been two Scottish internationals with the surname Cox, since World War Two. Which Cox do you prefer most?

Kenny Law - McLeish
What are you talking about? This is disgusting. Stop it immediately.

Willie Mays
There have been two internationals with the name Ball for England since World War Two. Which of the balls would you most like to have played with?

Kenny Law - McLeish
You are the most disgusting man, I have ever met in my life. You have a filthy mind. Stop it.

Willie Mays
There have been 5 Johnsons playing for England, since World War Two. What is it that makes Johnsons so popular in England?

Kenny Law - McLeish
You are a sad man. Shut up.

Willie Mays
Scotland have had players with the surname, Dickov and Dick since World War Two. Are you a fan of Dick and Dickov?

Kenny Law - McLeish
This is pathetic. It is like talking to a 13 year old low intelligence creepy moron. Your sense of humour is childish and pathetic.

Willie Mays
What is your favourite tactic in football? Do you prefer the long ball? Do you like it long?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Disgusting question. You make me sick?

Willie Mays
You are such a prude, and a puritan.
There is nothing wrong with asking serious questions, about football. What is your problem? Get over yourself. Honestly it is like talking to the frustrated angry man of the year awards winner.

Willie Mays
What is the hardest player you have ever met? How hard was he?

Kenny Law - McLeish
This is ridiculous. You are one sick man.

Willie Mays
Who is the longest on the ball, of the players you have played with? And whose footballers balls did you most like playing with?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Look that is just vulgar.

Willie Mays
We all know some footballers hate being substituted. Did you enjoy being pulled off?

Kenny Law McLeish
What kind of sick, sick man are you?

Willie Mays
In football one of the positions is playing in the hole. Did you like it playing in the hole?

Kenny Law McLeish
I am asking you to stop these questions.

Willie Mays
The goalkeeper in your team liked to make himself look big. Do you like it when keepers make themselves look big?

Kenny Law McLeish
This is disgusting.

Willie Mays
They called your keeper sticky fingers. Why were his fingers so sticky?

Kenny Law McLeish
What you are saying is obscene.

Willie Mays
You had a reputation for diving. Tell me! Is it true you go down easily?

Kenny Law McLeish
You are a strange, strange man.

Willie Mays
Do you like doing your business in the middle of the field?

Kenny Law McLeish
Will you just stop it?

Willie Mays
I know you like to play golf. The great Scottish game. Tell me have you ever managed to score a 69?

Kenny Law McLeish
What kind of a pervert are you?

Willie Mays
It is well known you used to like throw ins to come to you.
Did you like to come in the box?

Kenny Law McLeish
That makes no sense!

Willie Mays
I wonder if there was ever a player in the game called Ben Dover? And would you like Ben Dover?

Kenny Law - McLeish
This is outrageous. I have never been so offended.

Willie Mays
Do you think it would be better if football was played by two balls? And if so, would you like to play with two balls?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Do you mind?

Willie Mays
Now we all know, that sometimes players have to play in windy conditions.
There is a funny story about a footballer being blown over on a football pitch. Tell me did you ever get blown off on a football pitch.

Kenny Law - McLeish
That is shocking. What kind of a sick creepy man are you?

Willie Mays
You always were good in the air, with headers. Tell me. Is that why they say you give good head?

At this stage of the interview Kenny Law - McLeish, got up from his chair. And asked for the programme editor to immediately cease the interview. But Law - McLeish was contractually obliged to finish this interview.
Willie Mays smirked deviously as the interview continued.
Willie Mays
Rumour has it you once had an injury and pulled a muscle.

Kenny Law - McLeish
What is so sick about that?

Willie Mays
Well what you did with a shellfish is pretty rude.

Kenny Law - McLeish
You are a sick, sick man.

Willie Mays
There was a problem when you could not reach the ball. At one time. You could not get your leg over.

Kenny Law - McLeish
That is an old one.

Willie Mays
It is true that the wind was very strong in one game? It was so strong that people were being blown all over the place. And you got blown off.

Kenny Law - McLeish
You are a disgrace. You made that joke before.

Willie Mays
Many people talk about players called John, that are called big John. Why is that?
Kenny Law - McLeish
Well because they are big, and they are called John.

Willie Mays
Hmm. How big was the biggest Big John you played with? And did you like playing with Big Johns?

Kenny Law McLeish
You are sickening. A sad sad little man.

Willie Mays
Now we all know the referee would often blow his whistle for you running offside.
So tell me did it annoy you, how often you were blown by the referee?

Kenny Law - McLeish
You are a sad, and tedious bore.

Willie Mays
Have you ever scored more than once in ninety minutes?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Yes.

Willie Mays
Was it with the same woman?

Kenny Law - McLeish
Pathetic.

Willie Mays
Now it is a sad fact, that when you played in the FA Cup final, you missed a sitter. Rumour has it you choked on the ball.

Kenny Law - McLeish
No. You make me sick.

Willie Mays
You were well known as an intelligent footballer. One times you got involved in a political debate, with three other footballers. You were a great mass debater.

Kenny Law - McLeish
Pathetic. You are a sad, old bore.

Willie Mays
Thank you for your interview.
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