Writer's Cramp Contest WINNER!
|It always seems to be in April, when life grows anew
my gastroenterologist decides it's time to do
a little exploration up my anal cavity
That masochistic infidel won't let my poor bum be
He's lying when he tells me that I will not feel a thing
He says I'll go to sleep n' dream sweet images of Spring
of birdies chirping in the trees n' flowers in the ground
the scent of cherry blossoms and bees buzzing all around
But I won't dream of chirping birdies, cherry trees or bugs
because he doses me with insufficient knockout drugs
then rams that colonoscopedic thing up hard n' deep
I tell him, "I'M AWAKE!" but he says, "No, you are asleep!"
He twists n' turns, goes 'round the bend. I hear him laugh, "Hee! Hee!"
I'm at this psycho's mercy and I sob, "Oh woe is me!"
But then at last he's had enough and mercifully withdraws
then leaves the room as all the students break into applause
They don't see he's a terrorist who likes inflicting pain
Please God, this April do not let him schedule me again
Please let him shove that thing up someone else's poor back door
so I may think of April as the cruelest month no more!