Self reflective journey into mastery
|I was reading another person's writing and it got me thinking about dominance and mastery. This won't be a "one true way" lecture. Rather it will be a moment of self reflection and more for myself then a teaching moment for others.
If you are close to me and know me, you would know I was blind as a child for a few months due to an accident. When I had healed my parents were told that any hit to the face could cause me to lose my sight in that eye.
Naturally they were protective and concerned for me. I was not allowed to play sports, gym, or fight as a child. In short, I never really lived, and was raised as a victim. I didn't go to my prom as the girls were more interested in the athletes. I look back on it and have no regrets. I was a scared and scarred child and had nothing to offer anyone at that time anyway. Honestly I had nothing to offer myself back then except pity and loneliness. I didn't fit in and I was okay with that.
When I went away to college I had the fortune to stumble across the book Illusions. It was an assigned reading by a professor and I am grateful for it. This was a short little self help book with numerous quotes that resonated with me. One quote "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they are yours" ignited something in me.
I realized I was living as a victim and being reactive instead of proactive. I made a decision that night that I was no longer a victim, no longer at the mercy of life and it's challenges.
To me, this is where my dominance and mastery began. I started to shape the world around me by the decisions I made and the actions I took. There was a lot of learning about what I could change and where I put value, including the people in my life. I realized it was more fulfilling to have a smaller well run world, then a larger chaos filled entity I could not control. I narrowed my core group and went for quality interactions over quantity.
At first I tried to fix people and heal them. I learned some people have no desire to be fixed and are happy being miserable. I learned the hard way, I didn't want those folks in my life. Their negativity was like an anchor that was wrapped around my neck and pulling me downward. I walked away from these individuals pulling free of their desperate grip. I learned not to look back and allow others to live as they wished to live.
I began to focus on the things I valued and just as importantly those things I could change. My world became calmer and more balanced. I was happier and things flowed based on my actions and choices. I worked for things I wanted, not realizing today we would call it structure. The important things I loved fell at my feet.
I learned that passion protects as I took up lacrosse. When you love something it comes naturally to you and you excel. It is not work if you believe in it and it feels right. Lacrosse came easy and I was starting for a college team by the third game.
This way of life became ingrained, it helped form my morals. I knew if I could look at myself in the mirror at night then I did nothing wrong that day. This pattern of behavior over time became my code of honor and ethics. I still live this way today, asking the man in the mirror if he was honorable today. I am happy with who I am.
Dominance is a way of life for me. It comes from within and is a calm and controlling force inside me. I am proactive and do not put things off until tomorrow that need to be done today. Chosen relationships support my belief and system of honor be they friendships or ones of a more intimate sort.
Mastery to me, is putting it all together and then continuing to do so over and over again. It is being unwavering in your beliefs and self. Mastery is perfecting your reputation with yourself so there is no doubt or indecision when a new circumstance or event presents itself.
It takes work, a small mistake can set me back unless I am willing to own it and not make excuses. Rationalization is not my friend and is a weakness. It is the easy way out that many people choose for their path. I learned my conscience is a strength and my friend. It helps protect things I value and hold sacred. I listen to it carefully.
This is me. Know that I can be submissive with the right partner. When I love you and care intimately about you, I will delight in putting your needs first. But inside I will always be a master, it's a way of life for me, and will always be unwavering.