Many women aren't able to or will never have a child of their own.This letter is for them.
|Dear Heartbeat of my Soul,
I knew I wanted you long before I was able to have you. As I got older and I saw the world around us I knew the only way I was going to have you was if I found the right daddy for you. I didn't want to just have you with anyone. I wanted you to have a daddy that would love you as much as I did and had the dedication to be with you watch you grow up and be just as proud of you in your accomplishments.
I was excited to hear the doctor say, “Your pregnant!” I was excited to hear your heartbeat for the first time. I was excited to see my first pictures of you face and try to see your features and figure out who you were going to look like. I wanted to feel you grow inside of my body into the perfect little baby you were meant to be. I couldn't wait to feel you move letting me know you were there. I wanted to sing to you and talk to you while you grew so you would hear my voice and know once you were born and heard that same voice that I was that mommy that loved you before you were even born. I knew the pain of giving birth to you would have been worth it the second I saw your precious face.
The long sleepless nights would have been worth it knowing the reason I couldn't sleep was to be to take care of you. The long sleepless days would have been worth it knowing I would be watching you learn something new every day. My days would consist of being with you as you learn to roll over, crawl, take your first steps and eventually run. You would take your first bites of baby food and graduate to regular food. Learning to drink out of a cup like you knew all along.
Days of taking you to the park and learning how to go down a slide have always been something looked forward to. Those days of teaching you your ABC’s and 123’s while at night singing you baby lullabies were events I thought I would live for. Now I believe they are all but a dream.
Watching you grow into your own personality and identity traits as you start school. Dropping you off at your first day of Kindergarten and you bringing home your art projects. Going through elementary school and graduating on to Junior High and on to High School where you would have went to your junior and senior prom before heading off to college to start your future. Eventually you would be starting a family of your own and I could only prayed we as your parents would would have instilled the morals and values you needed to be successful in all aspects of your life.
Watching you take on life's milestones and conquering them is all I ever wanted to experience with you but as life has plans of its own, it looks like that I won't be able to experience this with you. I am older now and although now a days women are having babies later in life, I am not sure life's plan will be for me to experience biological motherhood with you, my precious love one, but know that I only wanted to best life for you and I couldn't bring you in this world if it meant I would be responsible for hurt and pain that I could myself prevent. With this being said, know I loved you as a baby myself and I will always love you till the day I leave this earthy plain and for eternally.
Love always and for eternally,
Your mommy who would have loved you more than her own life