A retelling of the fairy tale about Rapunzel.
The couple lived next to a walled garden belonging to an evil witch named Dame Gothel. As luck would have it, most of the rapunzel in the village grew in the evil witch's garden. The husband, thinking he could sneak in and grab some for his wife, was caught by the witch. In exchange for the rapunzel, the man had to promise her their first born child.
When the first of the twins was born, she was named Rapunzel, after the wildflower. The witch claimed Rapunzel and left before her brother was born. In remembrance of his lost sister, the couple named the boy Ralphpunzel.
Ralphpunzel was an odd child. His primary oddity was that he had no hair. All his life, Ralphpunzel's head was as bald as a croquet ball. When he began maturing, he couldn't grow a beard, either. The only hair that Ralphpunzel could grow was a mustache. He thought the ridicule would stop once he grew some hair but it actually became worse.
"Here comes the mustache with a croquet ball on it!"
After years of torment due to his hairlessness, Ralphpunzel found this ridicule the most painful. He decided to move to the forest where no one would see or make fun of him.
As Ralphpuzel passed the years in solitude, he let his mustache grow to enormous length. He was only five feet and seven inches tall, but his mustache nearly dragged the ground. Then one evening, after a laborious day hollowing trees for the foxes to sleep in at night, Ralphpunzel decided to do something he had never done before. He wanted to comb and groom his mustache. Since Ralphpunzel had no hair, except his mustache, he had no comb. He took a wood chip that was left over from hollowing the trees and fashioned a crude comb with his pocket knife.
As Ralphpunzel began combing one side of his mustache, gold coins fell from the only hair he had on the left side of his head. Ralphpunzel sat in awe looking at all the gold coins. Everytime he combed the left side of his mustache, more gold coins fell to the ground. Ralphpunzel sat in amazement, wondering how the coins got in his mustache. He had never owned a gold coin!
In an instant, Ralphpunzel thought that he would comb the right side of his mustache to see if more gold coins would appear. Instead of gold coins, Ralphpunzel was amazed to find that silken thread appeared from his mustache. The more Ralphpunzel combed his mustache, more silk appeared. Before long, Ralphpunzel had enough thread to weave the cloth for an entire suit of silk. He took the silk inside his cottage and went to work on his loom.
A few days hence, Ralhpunzel made his way toward the village wearing a suit made from the finest silk, carrying a silken purse bulging with gold coins. As he entered the village, people were amazed that the mustachioed croquet ball was so dapper. Everyone flocked around to ask Ralphpunzel questions about his wealth. Ralphpunzel, however, had made plans of his own, none of which involved standing around discussing his new found wealth.
Ralphpunzel made his way to his old cottage on the outskirts of the evil witch's walled garden. He scaled the wall in no time flat and was set upon a vedant garden of rapunzel. The evil witch, having never seen Ralphpunzel, thought that a foreign dignitary had entered her garden. She approached him slowly and asked if had business with the Dame, or if he simply lost his way.
Ralphpunzel stated that he had heard of a beautiful maiden locked in a tower within the walled garden. He said that he wished to purchase this young woman's freedom. The witch was very crafty, though, and set an exorbitant price.
Ralphpunzel stated that he would return on the morrow with the price the witch asked. He took his leave through the garden gate and returned to his parents' home.
Once among his kith and kin, Ralphpunzel put his family to work. He combed his mustache all night while the kin retrieved the gold coins and wove the silken fabric.
The next morning, Ralphpunzel returned to the witch's garden with a satchel of golden coins, while his kinfolk laid prey along the walls. As soon as the witch appeared with Rapunzel, Ralphpunzel showed the witch the gold. She released Rapunzel to dig greedily through the coins. As soon as Rapunzel was away from the clutches of the witch, Ralphpunzel's kin sprung their trap. Foxes were released from every corner of the garden. As they raced toward the witch, a silken lariat was thrown around the her, binding her arms to her side. Unable to move her arms to cast a spell, not to mention being surrounded by the fox friends of Ralphpunzel, the witch was taken captive. Thereafter, she was taken to village green and put on trial.
Rapunzel acted as the prosecutor and the witch remained silent. The verdict was handed down expeditiously and the witch was sentenced to die at the stake. Ralphpunzel spoke up just as the torchbearer approached the stake.
" Dame Gothel, you have been sentenced to die at the stake but I can convince these good people to spare your life, under one condition." The witch looked warily toward Ralphpunzel and asked the condition. "I will give all my gold to the villagers and you will cast a spell to put hair upon my head, otherwise, you shall surely die." At the mention of gold, all the villagers heartily agreed. The witch asked if that was the only condition. Ralphpunzel said that it was and she agreed.
In one sweeping motion of the witch's arm, Ralphpunzel was given a head of black curly hair. The gold was distributed among the villagers and the witch returned to her garden.
Ralphpunzel was reunited with his sister, the villagers could buy rapunzel from travelling salesmen, rather than the witch and the witch died in penury.
Which goes to show that greed leads to desolation, as the witch so readily learned.