Love and loss..
|I know why they call it a heart break. You're left alone and your world is in pieces. Not your actual world but the future place you had planned together. The perfect home isn't about how many rooms or the decorations on the walls. It's about the warmth and the love and the person you get to spend it with.
She's gone and I'm alone. I don't see a home or feel the warmth any longer. Those dreams have been shattered and lay in pieces. The memories are still there and they hurt badly. I can't seem to sweep them away.
There is a hole in my heart and the wound is deep. Every time it starts to heal I am reminded of her and the hurt comes roaring back. I need to turn it off and I can't. There are so many reminders when I look around. Simple notes, little gifts and even places now.
i go to the lake to heal and her memory intermingles with the peace and calmness I once felt. I'm not ready to be with anyone yet. I have nothing to offer. No strength, comfort or guidance. I don't need them from others and push people away. I just want it to stop hurting.
I need to drop a wall between us and I think I did. No more texts or friendship at least for now. I want to glance back to make sure she's all right, but I can't. I can't fix her or fix this. I need to regroup and heal.
I don't want to dream anymore. I want to lock the romantic up. He's written too many checks my heart has had to cash. I just want to be numb and not feel.