A brief extract from a book I am busy with on loving an addict
|And I walked into love with him, with my eyes wide open...knowing. I didn't fall as I had other times, this time was different.
It was messy from the beginning and before I could even see the light I learnt of all the dark ~ I truly don't know of a love more beautiful than that, of holding on when letting go seems so much easier...that's the thing, it wasn't meant to be easy, it was raw and real and flawed in every way. I had never been more tangled up in such beautiful chaos.
Dusk had settled in him, in his bones and his soul, the painted sky flooded from his beautiful mind but the blank canvas was all he saw and though he knew he could fill it again, he had lost reason to. Life had taken from him so many things invisible to the naked eye, things one can only feel, the few things in life that don't come with a price.
But when he smiled, God it was beautiful and when he laughed, my heart was full. I could stare into his blue eyes for an eternity, I could give him a million reasons I loved him and it would never seem enough and though he never believed me then...he would.
I loved him so vivaciously, I painted my own canvas with the colours of his soul, hoping he would see just how beautiful he was and learn to love again. It wasn't easy, with my own tattered heart, sometimes my sky faded too but there was one thing that brought us back ~ the love we both held for the night, the moon, the stars and it was there, that our Cosmic love bloomed.
Neither of us were consumed with the world, there was more... and he may have thought it was being an Egyptian on the moon but when he started feeling again, I felt the shift in his touch, the way he kissed me, the way his tremble stopped when held me, in the way he looked at me and the way he spoke.
The halt in our existence began to move again, colours twirling, patterns of swirling autumn leaves and a background of a dawn, so lovely, it was hardly believable, a love so intense it was indescribable.
I found myself lost in him, lost without him, I grew with him, we found ourselves through each other. I was within him as he was within me.
I had taken his hand and fallen into the hallows but there I learnt more, than I'd ever have learnt laying on a bed of roses. Love is not to you, what it is to me, I have now seen it's true meaning...Love is now a perfectly painted image of light within darkness, it can never be just one. Love is Alice in wonderland, love is Him.