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Rated: E · Other · Comedy · #2188324
It's true, ladies...
Sometimes you just have to tell on yourself a little bit in order to relate a story...so I'll get that awkwardness out of the way first thing: "Hi...my name is Robert...and I've spent time before on a dating website..." There. I know...I KNOW! So just don't say it. Romance-wise, it was a completely fruitless waste of time...but I DID gain some valuable insight about the feminine condition. And the recurring thing I began to notice early on was how otherwise completely rational(?) women were seemingly deluded in one thing: I DON'T DO DRAMA! In fact, it was so pervasive that it appeared to be a conspiracy...for women of every age, race, religious belief, and political affiliation took up the battle cry, and the anthem became so predictable that I began to snicker to myself every time I would read it. I mean...look in ANY reputable dictionary and you will see the following: DRAMA (dra' ma) n.(1) WOMEN. It's like denying you have lungs even as you draw a deep breath to do so...

Looking back on the lives of so many women I admire and dearly love: Mom, my sisters, aunts, nieces, treasured friends...my own precious daughters...DRAMA is routinely at the very apex of the Angst Pyramid...apparently the result of some over-arching, short-circuited grudge about being formed from a man's rib instead of a "Big Bang" mixture of apple cider vinegar and lemon water...

Women have "done drama" since the Garden of Eden. Honestly...who but a woman, casually standing there 'buck-nekked' kardashian-style as she insistently shows off her 'keto-cut' diet figure while oblivious to the eternal fate of mankind...would anxiously welcome the opportunity to Opry-argue with a snake about unwise food choices...as casually as though gossiping with a neighbor over the backyard fence? And THEN do the very thing she argued against!?!?! DRAMA...

The list of 'Dramatic Women,' both real and fictional throughout history boggles the mind. Joan-of-Arc...praising God as she burned at the stake...drama. Lucy Ricardo...hopelessly wailing after BURNING a steak...drama. Scarlett O'Hara, madly in love with Ashley...but spitefully gives herself to Rhett...drama. Mary, Queen of Scotts, eagerly marries a man widely believed to have murdered her first husband...drama. Tonya Harding arranges for a man to physically attack Nancy Kerrigan (another drama-queen, as ALL ice-skaters are, regardless of sex) ON THE PRACTICE RINK two days before the Olympic Trials!...DRAMA...

Delilah. Mary Magdalene. Florence Nightingale. Eleanor Roosevelt. Rosa Parks. Jackie Kennedy. Mother Teresa. Princess Diana. Audrey Hepburn. Barbara Streisand. Judge Judy. Whitney Houston. Roseanne. Just to name a VERY few on the stunningly-endless list. History's most infamous, godly, talented, noble, funny, intelligent, beautiful, wise, divisive, alluring women...and they ALL have one thing in common...DRAMA...

Please don't be angry with me, ladies...guys most certainly 'do drama' as well...you just have to patiently read between the lines in 'Sports Illustrated' and 'Field and Stream' magazines to find it. Poe. Hawthorne. Fitzgerald. Steinbeck. Jack London. Sort of a bizzaro-alternate universe of drama where men openly weep at the reverence of being fatally gored by a bull...or a missed field goal instead of a missed period. I'm just sayin'...if the shoe fits, Cinderella...

...and don't EVEN get me started about "must not have baggage." As though one could somehow navigate this terrestrial ball of love, loss, hopes, dreams, joy, brokenness, disappointments, grand achievements, and abysmal failures and not accumulate a trunkful. We live in a fallen world. It's the way we manage it, by the grace of God, that gives us character...however charmingly wart-peculiar it has made us...

I freely admit to having my own...but it all fits quite nicely in the overhead compartment...

Ciao...

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