Love Letters to no one. 3rd Letter. Everyone. Moves. On.
|I've been focusing on my health. Got in touch with an old close friend.
And ofcourse, she is also a lady. I again, for your sake. See her as a sister.
I messaged her one of my Darkest nights...
Where I really thought I'd be ending it all, and needed to talk to someone... anyone...
I was desperate, messaging people who long left me in the past, and or hated me.
I needed to talk to anyone.
So fuckin desperate.
No matter how much I watched self help videos.
No matter how much I walked alone.
No matter how much I tried to stay strong.
The pain grew over me like a predator over prey.
The fear grasped me and took over.
I tried to command it, but every wall I slaved to build, it struck it down in a mere instant.
I was alone. I made it take over, and it had its way with me.
But like every victim. I had a choice in the end.
Try to get my life together again?
Or let my past define me.
I chose to get my life together. Went on hikes. Spent time with family and friends. Spent time alone in my car... as you know.
Then I got a message back from one of the nets I casted for help.
(Hey, do you have time to talk? APR 16
I know it's been a while.
hey! sorry i dont get to my facebook messages often enough APR 20
but yes absolutely
We ended up video calling. Chatting, catching up, and she motivated me even more to pursue what I keep denying myself.
To love myself.
I know I totally don't understand it. But I do know, I should really chase who I am and not chase you.
Those images of you I see during my walks aren't for me to chase.
That's there to remind me of what happens when you lose yourself.
Everyone. Moves. On.