|Happy six month anniversary of being alone. It hit me today, but not as hard as I thought it would. Six months ago she was with me. We woke with her on my chest and her not able to get close enough as always.
A trip to the lake with coffee and privacy turned intimate. A short drive later and we were in Helen. The weather was rainy but it did nothing to dampen our spirits. One small hand intertwined with mine every where we went.
Close as closeness can be. Neither one realizing it was about to come to an abrupt and screeching halt. I remember the last visit, just as I remember all the visits before. I recall the laughter and the peace we shared. Most of all I remember the intimacy and the closeness.
I recall the weight of you on my chest as you slept. I remember my arm being gently crushed as it curled beneath you cradling you to me. I relished the numbness for it meant that you were content and at peace. I knew the hurt in the morning would come but I would suffer that for you willingly to ensure your sleep was filled with peace.
I loved your slight snores, just small intakes of breath. They made me smile and pulled a protective nature from me. Nothing would wake you. I would fight sleep as long as I could to just savor your nearness.
Neither of us saw it coming. This isn't what we wanted, but sometimes you don't get to choose. Fate is a cruel Mistress, sometimes she only gives us an angel for a short while. It wasn't long enough, to be honest a lifetime wouldn't be long enough.
We were working on your bucket list as yours had also become mine. New Years, in New York, a football game in Dallas, and Catalina Island. (okay the last one was mine..)
They aren't mine any more and our dreams now stand as apart as we do. I checked on you today, I needed to and I'm glad you're doing well. He's better and your fingers are crossed waiting for the inevitable hammer to drop. I hope it never falls for you.
It's easy to take someone for granted. It's easy to stop valuing them. Familiarity can bring complacency. Sometimes a partner can stop trying. I hope he never does that again. You're worth every good thought.
I am okay. Sometimes I am sad, today was a bad one but had some smiles and laughter mixed in. There are more good days as I go along then bad ones. I'm trying not to get caught up in looking back but it's tough.
It's hard to care for someone and want the best for them. It's difficult to stop worrying about them when they are a part of your core.
I'm opening up to friends and leaning on them a little more. When I look in the mirror I am still to hard on myself. I see only faults, but I'm owning them and working on them every chance I get.
I'm improving, but there are still times I look back. I know some people only come into our life for a short time, but it doesn't make it easier when you have to let them go.