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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2193474
Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Contest Entry · #2193474
A pirate is on his pirate ship, trying to teach a class of students to talk like a pirate
“Marnin to ye all, and welcome to the Pirate Speech Emplorium. Through these six weeks ye will learn the tactics and treasures of a thousand pirate ships come together. Forget not ye these things yee see. For they be a tree of dee. Ye there! This is ye first lesson. Say ye 'Yaghrrrr'!”

“Yagghhrrrr!!”

“And...dead. Next student. Say ye Yaghrr! And be ye neither in haste, neither in pokiness.”

“Wait a minute. Didn't you just kill the first guy?”

“Yes.”

“What did he do?”

“Yaghrrrr, he sounded like a pirate, of course.”

“But, you're a pirate, aren't you?”

“Yaaaghhrr! Pirates kill each other often. It's natural. Now, this be yer first lesson. Say ye Yaggghhhrr!”

“Pineapples.”

“No, say ye not pineapples. Say ye Yaghrrr!”

“Fage.”

“Yaaaghhrr!”

“Celery stalk!”

“Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Next! You, wit the glitterin' treasure chest on ye head! Now, look, I be not foolin wit ye. Say ye Yaarrr!”

“One.”

“Yaggghhrrr!”

“Zero”

“Yaggghrrrr!”

“One, zero, one, zero, zero”

“Yagghhhhrrr!”

“Ding!”

“What be this Ding?”

“You've got mail.”

“I've got blackmail. Me know that. Me's been blackmailin' since me was a wee lad. Say ye Yaaagghhrrr!”

“File's done.”

“What be this file. Is it...ewe, that be nasty. Show me not. Mine eyes have been soiled. Next! Ye lass. Look to me. Say ye yaaggghhrrrr!

“I need your help. I desperately need your help. I've lost my baby.”

“Say ye not that. Say ye yagggghrrrr!”

“My baby. We had a house fire and I – and I couldn't find her. I looked everywhere. Have you seen a baby crawling around your boat anywhere?

“Yaaggghrrrr!”

“Was it yay high, yay wide, and drooling a bit?”

“Me not knows what hast hapt to the babies! Say ye Yaaagghhhrr!!”

“Aye mate!”

“No, say ye Yaaggggrrr!”

“Aye mate! Cheers.”

“What country be ye from?”

“Why England of course. Half right by Bobshire's Tavern. Little east throne and all that rot.”

“Why that be impossible. I be from England. Tell me. What say ye when he has to, um, blast a duke?”

“We're goin' right down to the bobbeye.”

“The bobbeye?”

“Yeah, that's right, old chum. That, or the loo.”

“Me has a shipmate named Lou. Next! Say ye yaagghhhrrr!”

"Mr. Pencil, I am agent Forbes with the IRS, the Internal Revenue Service."

"Say ye Yaghhhrr!!!"

"Yes, you owe the US Government $3 Trillion Dollars."

"Yagghhrrr!"

"It was discovered that you sailed up to Fort Knox last year, stole all of the gold, and then sailed into International Waters."

"Say ye Yagghhrr!"

"The IRS requires that you pay taxes of thirty percent on all pirate booty."

“ Here ye go. Three gold coins for ye troubles. Last one. You. Over there. Say yar.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, yes. Say Yar!”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, the do ye it!”

“Only on Friday.”

“Give it a rest, scallywag!”

“Only on Sunday.”

“Get to work and say Yaagggghhhrrr!”

“Only on Monday!”

“I'll run ye through!”

“Never!”

“Yaaaggghhrrr!”

“Always!”

“Good. Next, next. Say ye Yaaggghrrr! And with feeling!”






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Printed from https://www.Writing.Com/view/2193474