Divorce is much more than the ending of a relationship, especially for our children.
|From a young age we learn how it feels to be abandoned. Your best friend at school moves away, mom and dad separate and divorce, that girl or boy who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with decides you are not the one. But we move forward and in time, we forget how much it hurt. It continues throughout your life, from time to time, and as we age it becomes almost expected, and so we harden our hearts, pretend that we don't care or just accept that people come..and people go.
Family is not supposed to be like this. When we were living a more simple life not that long ago, to be cast into exile by your Clan was considered one of the worst punishments...a man without his family...his Clan...his home...is not a man but a shadow of his former self. Who will accept this wanderer? What did he do to receive such a cruel punishment?.Avoid him!!! "Move on stranger, we don't care for men with no people".
Nowadays there are so many strangers in the world that you could never feel like that...like the men of old who walked alone in life...Yet here we are, so many who feel alone, abandoned by the one's they love. Wary people will not show kindness to the forsaken...we can see it in their eyes, in the way they hold themselves, the way they walk...we see them but we cannot look into those tortured eyes because that is our fear...to be like them...alone.
Abandonment is not just the sudden departure of a person. A lot of married (or not married for that matter) couples live in the same abode, sit at the same table, look at each other on a daily basis yet...they can feel abandoned by their partner. Lack of support, intimacy, communication, real love or consideration are the seeds of abandonment. A person wouldn't even notice it at the start, then in time we find ourselves living with a person who is not there. We remember what they used to be like and sadness turns to anger which leads to resentment and unless you are both willing to do what is required?? Or the alternative...do nothing and accept this life alone...then divorce is inevitable.
My separation and subsequent divorce has taught me a lot. Having young children complicates matters ten fold and looking back in hindsight I could have done a lot better. In the way I treated my ex-wife, in the way I handled the whole thing really especially to do with my kids. I didn't put myself in their position enough. To imagine how they must have felt, what our choices were doing to them and now I have to live with the outcome...thirteen year old twin girls who will not see me, will not speak to me and want nothing to do with me. I could have done things differently, been a better father...a better dad...but the pain of loss blinded me so that I couldn't see what, or who, really mattered. My hope is that one day they will forgive me, that they will let me back into their live's. I was a good dad once upon a time, and I hope that they remember.
Now people are wary of me....they can see in my eyes, the way I hold myself....the way I walk....they fear me...and I don't blame them...to have no family, no Clan...abandoned by those who once thought I was a leader...alone.