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by Neil
Rated: E · Poetry · Dark · #2195131
Everyone struggles at some point and this was one of those points. There will be more.
Who am I...?
A man who's mistakes have cost more than I know
Mistakes that have taught me so well
Mistakes that create the seeds from which the tree of regret grows

I had so much to learn about pride
That it is in fact a double edged sword
The pride one takes in their work or their achievements
Yet if you need help pride can prevent you from saying a word

To understand the value of being humble
When I thought that brash was so cool...
Or being abandoned by those I love the most
The hardest lesson in life and the most cruel

I didn't think that they could do without me
Yet there are times I could do without me too
The key to learning is to ask questions
But without answers then you are left without a clue

So my mind just fills in the blanks...
Did the assertiveness that I learned become a loose cannon?
I must have done something really bad
Abandonment leaves emotions like a parched field....totally barren

The pain from knowing that my own children
With not a single word of why...
I look in the mirror trying to see what they see
Some kind of monster in their own eyes

I look at my reflection and wonder if I really am
A monster....or that which I must be...
A man...
Who's mistakes have cost so dearly

I wanted to give so much more
To everyone in my life that I love
But I failed to give them what they really needed
A regret that compared to all others I hold above

Pity is for those more deserving
I don't want it and for that I can't be blamed
This bitterness I have spoils the taste
I didn't mean to cause so much pain

Could it be because that's all that I feel?
Searching for reasons to go on
Would anyone listen?...Or if they did would they even care?
Or would anyone even notice if I was gone?

I know that I care...about you...
Or anyone who makes the effort to pretend
Is that love or are there ulterior motives?
Or is it just a means to an end?

Is love a myth or is it just a fantasy?
Or is it evolution's way to get us together?
The want for someone who cares for you..
Empty promises to stay together forever

I once
Dared to dream...
Then my dream life became a nightmare

What has love become to me?
The hand that feeds is the one that gets the bite
Deep down in my heart there is still a glimmer of hope
One day that tiny spark could once again ignite

Will my fear cause me to shut the door?
Before I would welcome a beautiful soul inside
Insulation from strangers that keeps me warm
“I don't need anyone but me by which to abide!!”

If I repeat those words enough times
Would there be anyone but me who would believe
Never mind because life isn't all that bad
“Not bad enough that would make me want to leave”

“Well ain't that the truth” I hear you say
What truth could I hear from your lips today?
“What's wrong with me?”, Do you have time to listen?
Listen to me go on and on and then...

You glance at the time and say “I will be late”
“Off you go then”, but your already out the door
I question... were you really here at all?
Present...but not accounted for

© Copyright 2019 Neil (struggle2bherd at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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