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Rated: E · Poetry · Emotional · #2197552
Guilt and shame can lead to anxiety/panic attacks. Self-compassion and remorse your tools.
I awake just past midnight
sweating but chilled
thoughts upon a slippery slope,
I breathe deep in hopes to still

I want to just roll over
ignore the growing fear
slowly drift off back to sleep
but instead I shed a tear

here we go again
anxiety in full bloom
I stand on legs of rubber
to pace about the room

repeating a little mantra
to quiet the restless beast
those memories I can't forget
the voices that never cease

Guilt is the reason
the seasoning of choice
that flavors the ghosts of conscience
and panic lends them voice

I have to surrender
it's not a battle to be won
no foe to be defeated
well maybe one, just one

In the darkness I am talking
to a foolish younger me
I point to actions and inactions
mistakes that will come back to me

I tell him as a lover
or speaking as a friend
I try self-compassion
forgive him once again

Then I fall back into linens
hug my pillow tight
half drowned in a pool of pain
I surfaced once more alright

I know that it's not over
that come the morning light
I'll once more spend the day in dread
of the voices that come at night.

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