The Daily Trumpeter always reports the truth.
|OLD LADY LIVES IN SHOE
A reporter has been shocked to find an old lady, Mrs Bognose, 103, and her brood, living in a shoe in the Wild Wood. I was informed of this horrific case of over-crowding by a Little Bird.
'I tweeted the Department of Toadstools but they ignored it.' Sing Sing Featherbum, 34, told me. 'I even sent a note by Pigeon Post, to no avail.'
Either Hansel, 12, or Gretel, 16, instructed me to follow a trail of breadcrumbs to Fairy Glen, then turn around three times and click my heels. At that point an Anonymous Woodsman, 56, wearing a fresh wolfskin, appeared to guide me to Mrs Bognose's dwelling. It is in a rundown neighborhood, with blown down houses of straw and wood, Piggywigs dealing magic mushrooms from the only brick house and a family of Bears whose only cub is undernourished.
'I don't know what to do!' Mrs Bognose, 67, wailed when I knocked three times. 'I have so many children!' She wrung her hands in despair. 'There are triplets in the toe, twins in the heel, quads in the buckle and the babes are in the wood. And the au pair, Snow White, has to live with those noisy dwarves next to the mine.'
After she lost her job as a Fairy Godmother, Mrs Bognose, 89, was forced to foster foundlings to keep the Wolf from the door. This is the same Wolf that disguises himself as a Granny to eat young ladies. The Leprechaun Police have failed to recognise him as a serial killer and are searching for a mad axe man who is reported as chopping off his head.
When will this shanty town be cleared? It is an ideal location for another castle.
By Bojo Shockhead for The Daily Trumpeter.