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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Comedy · #2203164
What do you mean we don't have a socket wrench?!
An Accidental Apocalypse
We hear explosions and the revving of engines and tires screeching as the scene opens. Eerie music plays and then fades out after thirty seconds.

Matt:
Sheepishly
Okay. So I messed up.

Jax:
Messed up?! I wouldn’t put it so mildly if I were you, Matt! It’s more like you destroyed all of human society in mere seconds just because you wanted-

Skye:
Jax. I’m warning you… Stay away from the weapons cache!

Jax:
What?! It wasn’t like I was going to shoot him or blow him up…

Matt:
Okay. So I might have accidentally unleashed a deadly pathogen on the world causing the zombie apocalypse-

Aspen:
Might have! Matt look around you! You did!

Skye:
Matt, we all want to kill you right now because of what you did! The only reason you’re not dead is because you’re one of the few immunes!

Matt:
Honest, I didn’t mean to start the zombie apocalypse! I really didn’t mean to! You can’t blame me for thinking that the freezer that contained the deadly virus turning people into murderous psychopaths was just a fridge with soda cans in it, can you? We all could have made that mistake, they should really label that stuff!

A “zombie” groans


Aspen:
It was labeled, Matt! You were just too stupid to notice the sign saying “DANGER: Do not open”-



Matt:
I was thirsty! You can’t blame me! Honestly, you could kick start the apocalypse with over half the things in that institution!

Skye:
Heads up!

We hear gunshots and a thud as a body hits the ground.



Matt:
Exasperated
Alright. I admit it. I did kickstart the apocalypse, but it was an accident, and I feel super bad about all this though so can you cut me some slack?

Car tires screech on the ground and several zombie groans can be heard

Jax:
Looks like the skullies have gotten better at driving.

Aspen:
What’re skullies?

Jax:
I forgot. You’re new to this. Matt?

Matt:
sighs
Skullies are infected members of human society. Basically, the zombies chasing us now.

We hear an explosion and the sound of a car flipping.

Matt:
Really Skye?! I was kind of in the middle of something!
Skye:
Gun it, Matt!

Matt:
But I-

Skye:
Warningly
Matt…

Matt:
Sighs
Alright, alright, I’ll do it…

Skye, Jax, Aspen:
Now Matt!

We hear tires screech and a car backfiring

Jax:
Not the Blue Moon again!

Skye:
Matt, this had better not be one of your jokes…

Matt:
This isn’t a joke! The car just died!


Jax:
What do you mean it died?!

Matt:
It means that the engines shot! I can’t get it to move!

Jax:
Here let me see!

Matt:
Hey!

Rough sounds of Matt being shoved out of the way.

Jax:
Matt, if you’re going to say the car is dead at least let the professionals take a look at it.

Matt:
Okay… Apparently, Jax doesn’t only do computers. He’s a car technician too.

Metallic rattling of tools

Jax:
That’s old news, Matt. Now would someone hand me the socket wrench!

Aspen:
Which one is the socket wrench?!

Jax:
The one with the pipe on its end!

More rattling

Aspen:
We don’t have a socket wrench!

Jax:
What do you mean we don’t have a-

Aspen:
How come you don’t have one?! If anyone would have one it would be you! You have a mini chainsaw in your backpack!

A groan

Matt:
Uh, guys-

Aspen:
What is it, Matt? Unless you’re telling me you’ve found a socket wrench I don’t want to hear it!

Matt:
The skullies are getting awfully close…

We hear crinkling sounds as Skye emerges triumphant from a pile of tarps in the back of the car.

Skye:
Found it!

Jax:
Toss it here!

Matt:
You know guys we really should consider the idea of investing in a tool organizer you know.

Jax:
Matt, there’s nothing out here but miles of desert! If you want one, you can pop into the nearest general store which is about a thousand miles away!

Skye:
Duck!

A large explosion followed by gunshots

Matt:
You almost shot my head!

Skye:
You’re welcome!

Jax:
Alright fixed! Thanks for covering me guys!


Aspen:
And just in time too! Matt-

A thud and a grunt. We hear a squeak of fabric across glass.

Skye:
Gun it!

The car engine revs and continues on steadily. We hear dust being kicked up.


Matt:
Okay. We’re home free so what now?

Skye:
We’re going back to where this zombie apocalypse started and you’re going to fix this mess.


Jax:
Not just for all these people out here, but for Aspen too.

Matt:
Wait, Aspen’s not immune!

Skye:
groans
I thought we already went over this!

Matt:
Please don’t kill me when you go psycho!

Aspen:
Groans
I might go psycho right now because of you. I’m honestly tempted to knock you out with-




Skye:
sharply
Matt!

A beat

Matt:
Sorry. It’s just, how am I supposed to create a cure for all this when the disease created by brilliant scientists!

Jax:
Warningly
Matt…

Matt:
I mean really, I’m an imbecile compared to them! How am I supposed to fix this?

Aspen:
Wow. That was surprisingly accurate. Especially coming from you.

We hear only the sound of an engine as silence passes between the two characters

Matt:
Really guys! No emotional support whatsoever?!

We hear the car sputter to a stop.

Matt:
Not this again…

Jax:
Matt, what did you do?!

Matt:
The car died again.

Aspen:
Matt, I swear…


Skye:
Matt if you don’t fix this in about point five seconds I’m going to-

Matt:
Nope! Wait! It’s not dead! The keys shifted in the ignition!

The car sputters back to life and the engine hums as the quartet speed towards the horizon.

Jax:
WHAT THE HECK DUDE!?

Matt:
What?! I was only joking, you guys need to lighten up a little!

Skye:
Matt…

A beat

Matt:
What?

Skye:
You’re an idiot.

Eerie music plays and the hum of the car engine fades away into silence.



The buzz of a radio is heard and we then hear a trumpet playing for ten seconds and then fades out

Radio Announcer:
Today’s production was brought to you by:
Blue Moon Car Enterprises!
It’s only once in a Blue Moon that our cars fail!

Child’s Voice:
The Blue Moon goes zoom!

© Copyright 2019 U.B. Schultz (tackytyper at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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