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Rated: E · Non-fiction · Biographical · #2205651
I wasn't always a quick wit. It took practice and knowing exactly when to chime in.
I can remember the very first time I said something to make my two brothers and parents laugh. We were all in our family car on the way to church. My brothers and I were acting up in the back seat. My dad had had enough. He said, "If you three don't settle down I'll take my belt off and give you a spanking!"

Back then, spanking was not child abuse I've had my share of spankings, and I deserved every one. One of the problems with kids nowadays is not getting a spanking or slap when they deserve it. Today it is, "Time Out!" What a bunch of crap that is. Children, and I mean anyone under 18-years-old, are not taught when you do something wrong there is a penalty to pay. They get off way to easily.

But, I don't want to go off on a tangent, so I'll get back to my story.

As soon as my dad said that, I said, "But Dad--if you take off your belt, won't your pants fall down?"

My mom looked at my dad and said, "Don't you laugh. Don't laugh." My dad was trying hard to stifle a laugh. My two brothers, on the other hand, were giggling in the back seat with me.

There were times when I tried to be the class clown, but I often failed miserably. My timing was off and/or the response just wasn't really funny. I was in the learning stage. I didn't get to practice much at home, because my dad was in the military, and both my parents were fair--but strict. I did manage to get in a few funny lines, but those incidents were rare.

It wasn't until I was drafted and finally out of the home and on my own that I could really apply my humorous comments and make people laugh. I was still a rookie at it, but over the years I've become really good at it, as you will see.

For instance, it was 1999 when I was summoned for jury duty. I was in a room with about 75 people, all there for jury duty. There were two attorneys and their secretaries with us. One was a defense attorney and the other was a prosecutor. They would take turns calling a name and asking that person a question. Their intent was to find out who they wanted on a jury and who they didn't want.

It was just the luck of the draw that I got a question about the death penalty.

"Mr. Carlucci, what is your opinion of the death penalty?" I didn't know if it was the defense attorney or the prosecutor who asked. It took about 3 seconds for my answer to pop into my head.

"Well," I started. "I think everyone ought to try it at least once." The entire room busted out in laughter. Even the attorneys smiled.

"Thank you, Mr. Carlucci. You can sit down." I wasn't chosen for a jury. I was dismissed.

Incomplete. More to follow.


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