2020 seems like an appropriate year for renewed vision.
Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself to be a found writer when no one is looking for you? You're not enjoying the process of exploring what's in your heart if what you share cannot inspire others to embrace you as a writer. Even worse, you identify your existence in these writing stations as a human, rather than separating the craft of writing from self.
Validation of virtue within the context of your words has become a dreamless pursuit. Waking up to reality reminds again you really don't know who you are. There are no true goals, no attainable vision. Unable to live in the now, you realize you've forced many to shut you out, becoming an unknowable wild card. It's how you have justified rejection, but it's not justifiable...anymore.
Feeling no one wants to take a risk on you comes from not taking stock in yourself. There has to be remedies going forward to get true appreciation of life foremost. The writing part needs to come naturally and with ethic that makes it enjoyable.
Poetry is your jam. The novel is your white whale. The two are like siblings who have not got along. Deep down you know they love each other and want to play together. Going forward, we need to strategize writing time. Each can have attention from their doting parent without feeling left out.
You need a writing space, a schedule of undistracted alone time and to get familiar with the new computer that's been waiting. Being a person of low-vision insecurities and frustration can soar to embarrassing moments you can't walk back. Lessen the doubt and anxiety by organizing and getting familiar with new environs and writing tools. Then, no regrets.
Publish. Stop making excuses and put yourself out there. Like a bodybuilder who thinks himself a canvas he's always working on, tear your shirt off and show off. You know you have stuff to dust off. Submit.
Family life is unique and difficult to sort out. Writing has helped with the process. By blogging, you can express and sort out these feelings. You have the option of sharing or being private. It's not easy to sort out this life without a canvas inside your head to paint feelings into structured words. Bleed, purge your colors into a dark world. Then, wait for the light.
There's long been expressions like 'it's their loss' to describe those who won't fully accept you. Know that 'you can't please everyone' is another. Stop waiting for embraces from faceless, sheltered people who are less knowable than you. Put stock in those who reach out unconditionally, remain loyal and faithful. Give twofold your love and respect to anyone who has been consistently kind and encouraging. Attune your heart.
Let yourself trust the world a little more. So what if the old man reminded you of the shame of getting burned. When you are doing what you love and enjoy the process, it shouldn't matter how you are received. It's about putting those deposits in your soul that grow and return love. It shouldn't be hard. If it is, you're wasting valuable energy. Invest in yourself where happy returns are most abundant.
It doesn't have to be hard. Living in a closed off, sequestered part of the internet has its purposes. You can create and link what you are working with to multiple audiences -- hopefully larger, or even more distinguished, arenas. Eventually, if you work it right, you can be a found writer. Just figure out what you are and where you are, keep working and don't forget to put out snacks.
While writing can fulfill, walk away when it doesn't. There is more to life than guarded offerings to a limited audience. Be thankful family, work, community and more round out this life. Time to slow down and enjoy the fruits of labor and love. There is a special anniversary with Jen this summer -- a time of family celebration. A great opportunity arrives to reflect on what brought us here. Embrace life fully, attune.
- 686 words
"To all my fellow writers, readers, reviewers and Writing.Com staff, Storymaster and Storymistress and the entire Writing.Com family and community. I want to say thank you for the past 14 years of my life and the daily commitment to writing and creating a winning atmosphere built on great values. I am grateful for all that you have taught me - I have learned from everyone. You all have allowed me to maximize my potential and that is all a writer can hope for. Everything I have accomplished brings me great joy and the lessons I have learned will carry on with me forever. I couldn’t be the man I am today without the relationships you have allowed me to build with you. I have benefited from all you have given me. I cherish every opportunity I had to be a part of writer's groups, and I love you all for it. You always set a great standard for writing and I know it will continue to do just that. Although my writing journey will take place elsewhere, I appreciated everything that we have achieved and am grateful for our incredible GROUP accomplishments. I have been privileged to have had the opportunity to know each and every one of you, and to have the memories we’ve created together.
- FOREVER A PATRIOT"