Nougats of Nutty Nonsense
"Who cares if I forgot the milk," he sighed listlessly.
If we had some ham we could have ham & eggs if we had any eggs.
"You're suing me? Well, two can play that game!" he retorted.
"Let's turn the mattress," she suggested flippantly.
"I see," said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
I studied to be a surgeon, but I couldn't make the cut.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't tell the truth.
I tried to organize a jigsaw puzzle club,
but I couldn't put all the pieces in place.
The pineapple is neither a pine nor an apple.
I once had dinner at a nice restaurant in London.
I thought the tripe might be good, but it was offal.
I'm sorry I blew up about getting an F in Chem lab.
I guess I just reacted badly.
A woman was arrested at the airport last week. The TSA screener
found fake $100 bills stuffed in her bra. A police spokesperson confirmed
that it was the biggest counterfeit bust they'd seen in years.
I really enjoyed the tour of the airplane factory. It was riveting!
My therapist suggested that I face my feather phobia by
getting a job at the poultry farm, but I chickened out.
I was going to load my rifle last week, but I never got around to it.
I've been overeating for years, but that's all behind me now.
I wanted to be a mountaineer, but I couldn't make the grade.
His face was gneiss and he really rocked her world.
But she couldn't read that stony gaze,
and took his love for granite.
My wife asked me to look for her watch, but I couldn't find the time.
I tried the waste management training course, but I couldn't pick it up.
My dog didn't want to admit that he'd been eating roadkill,
but I finally managed to worm it out of him.
I opened a refrigerator shop, but business was bad and I lost my cool.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
"Humor me," he said, with a vitreous grin.
"I'd like to, but I can't see my way clear," she replied.
"Iris spotted a floater down by the pier and I have to look into it."
"OK, but a word of advice - don't focus on what's directly in front of you.
Be aware of what's going on around the edges."