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Rated: E · Poetry · Adult · #2218242
a poem for my bf Ben Ruck and an insite on the way i really feel inside
I over think everything
From how long it takes you to text me back
To what the song lyric in you status means to you
It worries me how much I like you
Worries me that you don't like me
As much as I like you
I'm loosing my appetite and losing sleep
I stay up all night thinking of perfect scenarios
you make me happier than I ever thought I could be
And also more scared that I ever thought I could be
Could you maybe just hold my hand
and tell me everything with us is forever.

Someday Ill learn to value me
for every little thing I do
someday ill fee like I'm enough
Ill say the words and they'll be true
someday I'll notice all my good
And love every part of me
Someday the voices in my head
will stop punishing me endlessly
Until that day, I cry and cry
and wipe my tears away
With the wish that ill be enough
Someday oh someday

I will always be scared I am
Not beautiful enough for you
Or if I am beautiful at all
I will change what I'm wearing
five times before I see you
wondering which pair of jeans
will make my body more tempting
to undress, tell me
Is there anything I can do
to make you think, her
She is so striking she makes
my body forget it has knees
write it in a letter and address it
to all the insecure parts of me
My uneven fingers, my fat legs
Your voice alone drives me to tears
Yours telling me I'm beautiful
Yours telling me I'm enough.

Never trust a mirror
For a mirror always lies
It makes you think that all your worth
can be seen from the outside
Never trust a mirror
It only shows you what's skin deep
You cant see how your eyelids flutter
when your drifting off to sleep
it doesn't show you what the world sees
When your only being you
Or how your eyes just light up
When your loving what you do
It doesn't capture when your smiling
where no one else can see
And your reflection cannot tell you
Everything you mean to me
Never trust a mirror
For it only shows you skin
And if you think that it dictates your worth
Then its time you looked within.

Its odd how we have a persona
An image we'd like others to see
My emotional clothing, ,my charm and charisma
Its nice but its not really me
The real me, mu hinterland, the me of me, the who that I am
Isn't defined by any possessions
Possessions show that I'm cool, calm, I'm collected
Always seeking a classy sort of style
But on the inside the thoughts in my head go crazy
Like an untamed deranged juvenile
Always over thinking random stuff of conversations I've had
Had years ago with my peers
Thinking the best , then contemplating the worst
battering my self wit debilitating fears
I hide these fears behind fake actions, fake clothes
fake talk and fake phrase
convinced that a fake me is better then me
for now and the rest of always.

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