Here's chapter 5 from Another Small Bang, that will bring everyone plenty of good laughs
|Little Henry's thinking about a job change
Everybody at break time gathered all around little Henry to hear all about his vacation last week to Mount Rushmore. They couldn't wait to see all of the pictures. As the pictures were handed around Sparky finally said, "All these pictures are of just a big old rock. What happened to the pictures of the presidents on Mount Rushmore Henry?" Little Henry spoke up and said, "These are the pictures of Mount Rushmore." Stevie said, "It's just a big old rock Henry!" Little Henry said, "These are pictures of Mount Rushmore. I went to the back side of Mount Rushmore. It was easier to park, tickets were cheaper, and there wasn't much of a crowd." Both Stevie and Sparky said, "You got to be kidding, and you paid for tickets too?" Break time was over and everybody was happy that they could get away from little Henry.
The truth many times can be much funnier than fiction, which is truly the case with a lot of these stories. Especially when it comes to telling a story about our buddy little Henry. Little Henry keeps an empty Walmart bag in locker. This is in case one day he quits or gets fired, so that he can put all of his personal effects in the bag for when he gets walked out. He calls this his bye bye bag. Little Henry says he starting to get a little bit burned out from working at the Widget factory. He decided one day that he would be a really good Santa Claus. It might only be a seasonal job, but he figured he could also do other gigs throughout the year like the Easter Bunny, a leprechaun on St. Patrick's day, the great pumpkin on Halloween, Uncle Sam on July 4th, and Cupid on Valentine's day.
What had sparked this idea into Henry's head was he saw a lot of the bad Santa Clauses all around town. He saw a Santa Claus who just couldn't stop talking on his cell phone to save his life, even with a kid on his lap. He saw another Santa Claus who wasn't wearing his red cap. He figured that particular Santa Claus either lost his hat somewhere or forgot his hat all together. Either way little Henry didn't feel this was the right attire for a Santa Claus. Little Henry saw a Santa who was too busy jotting down numbers with his number two pencil on his Sudoku puzzles to be bothered with children. He even saw a couple of Santa Clauses who were coming out of bars in the broad day light. It looks like Billy Bob Thornton wasn't the only bad Santa doing that sort of thing. Little Henry thought this was really a sad time for Santa Clauses and that he could make a big difference doing a much better job. I'm not so sure about that with Little Henry's track record, especially after seeing him one day trying to clear snow with a leaf rake, and when that didn't work shooting water on the snow with a water hose. For now little Henry is just going to have to be satisfied with making widgets for the time being.
Business was a little bit slow at the widget factory when Stinky walked up on little Henry. Stinky noticed that his buddy little Henry was walking around today carrying a extra pair of socks in his back pocket. Curiosity really got the best of Stinky, and he just had to ask, "Henry why are you carrying those socks around with you today?" Little Henry replied, "After work I'm going to stop by and play some mini golf." Stinky shrugged his shoulders and said, "What's that got to do with those socks in your pocket?" Little Henry smiled and said, " I have the socks just in case I get a hole in one on mini golf course." Stinky shook his head and said, "Alright Henry you got me."
Stinky then thought for a moment and said, "Okay Henry on a different topic are you still considering another job field?" Little Henry replied, "Oh yes!" Stinky said, "Let's head on up to that state of the art company computer room and look for some other job positions here at the widget factory." Little Henry said, "I can't right now I'm busy." Stinky said, "Why? I'm looking at you right now, and you aren't doing anything." Little Henry said, "I already looked into the computer room and all of the seats are all full." Stinky said, " I know that you are lying six ways to Sunday, and that you did no such thing." Now let me take one second to explain that little Henry dyes his hair a darker color, and puts it back into a pony tail. He has had grey hair since his high school days. It wasn't unusual back then for a newly transferred students to his school to come up to little Henry, and ask him for directions to their classrooms thinking that Henry was a teacher. This always made little Henry feel so much bigger then he really was. After Stinky's comment Little Henry disgustedly flipped his dyed pony tail saying, "Fine! lets go."
The two of them made their way up to the computer room, and found 10 empty seats waiting on them in a completely empty room. Stinky smiled and said, "Pick a seat Henry." Henry grumbled as he sat down and started logging in on one of the 10 empty unused computers. Stinky said, "Oh stop your grumbling Henry. Why don't you just build a bridge Henry, and get over it." Little Henry angrily replied, "Very funny Stinky." Stinky smiled letting go of some uncomfortable gas that was in his stomach and said, "If you keep it up Henry we will have to take away your man card." Within seconds little Henry could smell the horrible stench that Stinky created on the other side of the small computer room. It was one of the worst smells to date that Henry had ever been subjected to. Little Henry couldn't take it no more and yelled, "We need a medic in here. There's something seriously wrong going on inside of this man in here."
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