| I sit in an interview room at eleven o’clock in the morning. An officer leads Hope into the room and she is handcuffed. Hope sits across from me and the officer stands in the corner to observe and listen to what happens between Hope and I. The officer is also there for my protection. Hope’s hair is dull and oily, she is also wearing no makeup, and she is not thrilled that I am here to speak with her. But I need answers and I need the honest to God truth. Hope demands to know what I want and she wants to know why I am here after all this time.
I say as calmly as I possibly can, “I need answers Hope and I need you to tell me the truth. I believe you hold the answers that I desperately need.”
Hope says, “Are you willing to hear what I have to say?”
I reply, “Yes.”
Hope says, “I have been truthful with you.”
I am blunt when I ask, “Did Kane really sleep with you?”
Hope says as she smiles, “Yes, several times actually, and we fucked in the back of the ambulance a number of times as well. He was so powerful and strong. He made me climax a number of times. I have to admit that was a challenge and a half, fucking in the back of the ambulance.”
I try to sound like this does not hurt me or bother me and I hope she cannot read my feelings, “Kane really did all this with you? Kane did not object to any of this?”
Hope says, “He actually initiated it. None of this was my idea. I knew you both were in a relationship together but he kept nagging me and I did find him extremely attractive.”
I demand, “Are you being honest with me?”
Hope says, “Remember that I have nothing to lose. I am in jail for harassment. I broke a restraining order on you guys which was only a cover for Kane. He isn’t who you think he is.”
I ask, “Did he promise you anything?”
Hope says, “He promised he would leave you for me. Kane said he had to wait until the time was right though.”
I ask, “He promised you that he would leave me?”
Hope replies simply, “Yes. He said that since you lost Logan that you couldn’t handle losing him too.”
I honestly reply, “You know I find all of this especially hard to believe. I really want to believe you but my heart wants to scream that you are lying.”
Hope gently says, “I understand that and I would feel the same way. You love Kane and he has betrayed you.”
I reply sadly, “I am still in love with Kane. Why would he try to cover all this up? Why would he not come out and just tell me that he wanted to leave me? This is what I find the most disturbing.”
Hope suggests, “Maybe Kane felt guilty about all of this. I really don’t understand why men do anything.”
I ask, “Do you feel bad about wrecking my relationship? Why did you go through with this?”
Hope looks down at the table and her folded hands, “I do feel horrible. It was not all my fault though. Kane is just as much at fault for all of this drama.”
I demand to know, “Why did you go along with this shit?”
Hope says, “Because I liked him a lot. I wanted to be with him and he kept promising me that he would call it off with you.”
I ask, “You liked him?”
Hope replies, “Yes, I really did like him. But I cannot be with someone that is not completely devoted to me.”
I say, “I get that but why would you do this to someone else and ruin what they have built with that other person?”
Hope replies, “I don’t know. I was being stupid I suppose. I shouldn’t have acted on the impulses.”
I ask and I am not sure I will go through with what I am asking, “Will you stay away from Kane now and will you let me try to patch things up with him?”
Hope is honest as she says, “Let me give you a little bit of advice.”
I ask, “What’s that?”
Hope says, “Kane is really not worth it Jace. Once a man cheats he will keep cheating.”
I agree with Hope, “You are right about that.”
Hope says, “I don’t want to ever see him again.”
I say, “Unfortunately I have to deal with him right now. I am not happy with this.”
Hope says, “Jace, I am really sorry all of this happened. You seem like a really nice person with a good heart. You do not deserve what Kane did to you.”
I nod at the officer and he removes Hope from the interview room. Once Hope is gone I leave the room. Mark catches me in the hall before I leave. Mark wants to know if everything was okay and I reply that I got all the answers that I needed. Mark wants to know if I am going to be alright and I confirm that I am. Mark sadly nods his head. Mark knows something. Maybe he listened in to the conversation between Hope and I. At this point I really do not care if he listened or not for I trust Mark. I got all of the answers that I needed and I feel extremely betrayed.
Hope was honest with me. She laid everything out on the table. I will be coming tomorrow to support Hope. I will testify for her. Hope did me a solid today and I want to return the favor. Even though it hurt to hear what she had to say I am, in a strange way, happy that I heard what she had to say. In the long run I know that I am going to be okay, it is just getting to that point that is going to be difficult, but I will get there.
Back at the motel I take Zeus out for a walk and it turns into a two hour walk. I cannot shake what Hope has told me. My gut is telling me that what she said was the truth. I do not like what she had to say but it is my own fault. I blindly trusted Kane. I should have known that people cannot be fully trusted or trusted with another’s heart. I now have to wonder if he has been cheating on me this whole time we were together. Again my gut is saying he probably was. How could I not see this? Did I not want to see it? Were there even signs that he was cheating? I do not know the answers and I do not want to know the answers to these questions.
Zeus and I are finally back in our room and Zeus is gulping water like a crazy man. I had grabbed a newspaper from the lobby and brought it up to my room. I sit on the bed and with a heavy heart I start calling one bedroom apartments. I have several appointments this week to view the apartments and I have confirmed that they all allow dogs. Once the apartment hunting is done for the time being I call room service. I order a bowl of clam chowder, a salad, and two sodas.
As I wait for my dinner to arrive, my cell phone rings, and it is Kane calling. I ignore the call and I let it go to voicemail. I am much too angry to speak to him at the moment. The phone trumpets, letting me know that I have voicemail, I play the voicemail, and I am more than curious to what Kane has to say.
Kane’s voicemail says, “Jace, I do not understand why you are not answering my calls. I really want to talk to you. I want to speak to you about the changes that I am starting to make. If I do not hear from you soon I will call you back.” I laugh. Kane still thinks this whole thing is about changes. Kane does not realize that I know about him and Hope. I think about letting Kane tell me but I know he will still try to cover it up like he has been doing all along.
My room service arrives and I feed Zeus at the same time to keep him from begging. I sit down at the small table and I turn on the television. I choose a light comedy show to try to distract myself. I inhale my food which is prepared to perfection. I guess my appetite has returned to normal which is a good sign. I have lost too much weight and I need to put on about ten to fifteen pounds.
I know what I have to do now. I must end the relationship with Kane and I must make Kane understand that it is really over and done with. I really do not want to do this but I cannot keep wondering if he is cheating on me or not. I am worth more than that. I do not want to live my life second guessing someone. It is not fair to me or to the other person.
I must finalize this, stop the relationship within the next forty-eight hours, and I believe that this will make me feel some peace. I call Salim to talk to him about my meeting with Hope. Salim hears the sadness in my voice and he is concerned that this might push me over the edge. Salim hates it when I am upset for he is a really good friend. I do not get worked up a lot so when I do get upset Salim knows that it is serious.
Salim wants to know but he does not make any demands, “What the hell is going on, Jace?”
I reply, “Kane has been cheating on me.”
Salim gasps in disbelief, “With who?”
I reply, “Hope Williams.”
Salim is in disbelief, “You’re kidding me, right?”
I say, “I wish I was kidding but I am not.”
Salim is in awe that this is actually happening, “This whole time he was filing false reports?”
I say, “Yup. I am so confused right now. This whole thing has my world spinning around so fast.”
Salim asks, “Christ. What the fuck are going to do?”
I say, “I’m going to leave Kane, get my own apartment for me and Zeus, and I am gonna request that I get a new medic partner.”
Salim says, “That’s a good start. We will make sure you have a new partner by the time you return.”
I ask, “Salim, did you know that Kane was cheating?”
Salim replies, “Hell no. I am just as shocked as you are. How would I have known?”
I ask, “Are all those reports you have from Kane against Hope real or are they all a complete and total lie?”
Salim replies, “All Kane did was complain about Hope and what she was doing. Kane filed nearly a hundred reports against her.”
I say, “I know he did file all kinds of reports and he was really cheating on me and he was lying the whole time.”
Salim asks, “Why would he do that if he is involved with her?”
I shrug my shoulders and I say, “To cover it up I suppose.”
Salim is determined, “I’m going to talk to him.”
I beg Salim, “Please don’t do that.”
Salim replies, “If what you’re saying is true then he has falsified reports which he can be terminated for and he can be taken to court because of all these false reports.”
I say, “He is not going to admit to any of this, you know this as well as I do, and I am realizing that Kane is a total bastard for everything he has done.”
Salim says and he asks, “I am trusting you on this one. I know you don’t lie, you are very straight forward, and you are an outstanding medic. Do you really think Hope is telling you the truth or could she be trying to get you all worked up again?”
I say, “My gut says she is telling me the truth. Plus Kane has been acting so strange lately. I didn’t think much about it but now it all makes sense now.”
Salim says with compassion, “Talk to him. Tell him you are leaving him and please stay strong. You don’t deserve what Kane has done to you. You deserve all the best that life has to offer.”
I say, “I will do my best to talk to Kane.”
Salim says, “I will let you know what is happening on my end, okay?”
I say, “That would be perfect. Thank you for everything Salim. It means a lot to me.”