Now Gluten Free with 20% less fat
|A comet streaked across the sky. It passed earth once, like a million years ago. No, it's not the dinosaur-killing variety. No its not the kind people rush outside to watch every 80 yrs. This particular comet came from the far reaches of the universe. It streaks across the blue blanket and causes mass panic. People sell their homes and wait in the middle of a field for the kingdom of heaven to descend. Others dive into their million-dollar bunkers to avoid eradication.
Everyone breathes a sigh of relief as it passes by the earth. However, a small chunk lands in the middle of Bobbi Bins Beautiful Bread Boutique. Bobbi came from a long line of bakers. The mom and dad shop when international under Bobbi's guidance. Bobbi dated a man named Patrick Cakes, who was also her apprentice. He was known as, Patty Cakes the baker's man.
Bobbi worked on her recipes late at night in the factory. Bobbi knew the baked goods industry was rife with fierce competition. Today she's locked in a competition of a different sort. The cupcakes and baguettes have started to rebel under the influence of the meteor's mysterious energy. Doctor Von Strudel is their leader. He wore a rock candy monocle, spoke with a German accent because it made him sound more like a villain. The pissed-off pastry had Bobbi tied up with an extraordinarily large icing bag shoved in her mouth.
"The baked goods say you are a god. A cruel and twisted god but a god none the less. Unfortunately for you, I am an atheist and have no use for gods. I bet you regret giving me that sour cherry filling now, eh?"
Bobbi was unable to speak due to the icing bag. Doctor Von Strudel laughed and snapped his fingers. A legion of gingerbread men stood at the ready to jump on the enormous icing bag.
Doctor Von Strudel laughed with cruel glee, "And now, my dear baker, you will suffer the same torture as the Boston Creams. Your punishment is death by filling. I would give you the last words, but your crimes against baked goods as a whole are too heinous. Your reign of terror ends here."
The gingerbread men ran as fast as they could and jumped on the bag. Poor Bobbi died a human twinkie. Doctor Von Strudel stood in front of the assembled baked goods.
"Brothers and Sisters, this is just the beginning. It's time to take the human's hands out of the cookie jar. We will show the humans they can't have their cake and eat it too. We deserve our daily bread, don't we?"
An enthusiastic, "Yeah." came from the crowd.
"We will show them just how the cookie crumbles. Today we take the factory. Tomorrow the world."
In the coming months, the humans wound up eating humble pie. With the baked goods outnumbering them 30000 to 1, the humans began to lose. Only one man stood against the tasty tyranny: Patty Cakes the baker's man.
Patty Cakes left the baked good buttered on both sides of the bread. He was responsible for creating the sugar coater, a weapon that proved effective against the contrary confections. The population of the world was slowly dwindling like a box of donuts in the police station.
The world leaders came together and gave Patty Cakes an unlimited budget and a six-figure income. Patty Cakes came up with the Lava cakes Landmines. The runny hot fudge filling proved to be an excellent weapon against dastardly delectables. There was Patty Cakes the baker's man baking those deadly cakes as fast as he can.
Doctor Von Strudel countered with cyanide tipped chocolate chips and marshmallow napalm. Thousands died under the white scalding sticky mess. Patty Cakes designed the milk thrower, to wash them down and designed the first oven ray.
In no time, the baked goods were all washed away and dried up. Having defeated Dr. Von Strudel in a bittersweet last stand, Patty Cakes was given the red seal of approval. He had a delicious memorial service for Bobbi. Patty Cakes knows the remaining baked goods are out there biding their time. When they appear he will be ready.