A monologue I wrote and acted myself for a workshop in college.
The Professional Gamer
Some people just don't get. They don't understand what it takes- the passion, the drive, the skill- to be, a professional gamer. The incredible coordination with my team to pull off the best plays. The game sense to know when to retreat or move in to help another teammate when they are struggling. The knowledge to know what each skill does, what counters what, and which ones are the best. The cunning to see which plays the other team are gonna make and to counter them and take the win. The level of hand to eye coordination, knowing which key does what, and when best to press it. You don't have time to look at the keyboard when playing; you have to know it like the back of your hand. And I do. I'm one of the best, if not the fucking best professional gamer in the world. I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it to all of you.
I'm ready. Yeah let's go. Left side! Left side! Throw it! Yeah! On the right now! Go right! He's on me! He's on my tail! He's almost got me! Help! Yes! I got my super move! Goin' in! I'm goin' in! Yes! Whoo! That's what in talking about! Suck it, noob! Oh, I suck? Yeah? Well your mom sucks! 1v1? You wanna 1v1 me? You must be ready to lose, so just quit now, I'll wipe the floor with you fucking noob! Who cares how old I am? I'm still better. Come on over then, come on, 1v1 me. Let's fucking go.
No! What? NO, that's fucking bullshit! You're just a fucking cheater. Go fuck yourself, that was bullshit, that doesn't even work like that. The game let you win; it wouldn't let me use my best skill for some fucking reason! Rematch! Fight me again. What, you too scared? Yeah that's what I thought, let's do this.
What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK! This is bullshit! That's not fair! The game was getting so laggy, I couldn't move! I know I could beat you in a fair fight! One mo-... what the fuck? What the fuck!? Lost connection? No internet? MOOOM! Did you turn off the router? Why do you always do this?! I don't care if dinner is ready, I was playing a game! Now my score is gonna go down! God I'm 27, why are you treating me like a child?! I hate you!