by Lil Gidget
a poem for those that judge or see flaws in others
|I don't see life as most others do,
I'm lost confided and miserable too.
I often lash out at others near me
no mater if they hurt me or not.
I trust know one, even family
I don't give in to my heart nor listen.
I cant reach in you cant reach out
I've lost what my life's about.
It no longer has meaning
and leads me astray
maybe life is better this way.
I only get hurt if I allow it
but leaves me to myself.
I try and try to makes things work
but often leaves me being a jerk.
I cant let go of past troubles deep within
leaves life thin and completely drained .
I cant continue this roller coaster im on
up and down my emotions ride
in and out till they reach the sky.
over and over the same battle I fight
to loose each time an endless night.
what to do say think or feel
is often the questions I ask my self
never getting answers to the questions I seek
leaves me feeling alone but bleak.
I finally found a real true love
where he came from I'm not quite sure
He struggles to be near me as I make life hell
trying to tame my inner demons
he struggles to train me to see and trust
He's got a difficult job in hand
but he wants to see the real true me
I'm broken shattered worse then glass
in a million billion pieces or more
I feel like life would be better off
if I was no longer here
I couldn't hurt anyone or say mean things
if I no longer exist or around.
I cant help the way I cope
at least I'm not running around on dope
I'm not committing crimes or dealing drugs
I simply cant control feelings and lash out.
I bottle so I don't hurt people with my words
I bottle so I can refuse to react to things on hand
I bottle cause others don't understand
I bottle so I can choose to ignore how I feel.
I bottle till I cant and explode to realse
I bottle cause that is the way I deal with things.
People don't understand me
and they may never at this point
I cant just change what makes me who I am
or the way I was raised to deal with things on hand.
so maybe just maybe I am not the issue at all.
not accepting me for who I am and what makes me,
Maybe the change is not how I deal and cope,
to make myself me ,but the change in others
to accept what they see and who I am.
I'm screaming and shouting on the inside
a smile is what you see
I put up the biggest wall so know one can really see me.
I fight battles and struggles within myself daily
yet no one seems to understand .
they judge and nit pic at tell me I need to do things different.
things for others don't always work
were not the same we don't come with instructions
were not something that can be fixed or built
the way we cope is what we learn
what works for us and helps us through
is what makes us through and through.
what gives others the right to think and see
the flaws within someone else
look in the mirror and judge yourself
and maybe just maybe you will understand
I am me and that's all I can be
but to me and others the real you
is all you can really be
ill smile my smiles and fight my battles at bay
till the sun shines on me and find my way.
ill try my best to ignore the hurt deep within
learn to love myself the best way I can
but as long as people are around to judge
just remember the mirror image you see
is the real and only one judge to be .