A severance package for Dracula [Bingo Blitz 2020 entry]
"Good evening, Mr. Dracula," the Human Resources staffer began, "My name is Camille Bonsoir, and I am here to review your Severance Agreement with you. It's fairly short, so it should only take a few minutes."
"Before we begin, I would like to express my appreciation for your willingness to come in at the beginning of my normal shift, rather than require me to meet you during normal business hours. I am extremely sensitive to sunlight, and it would have been most uncomfortable for me."
"Not at all, sir," Camille replied. "The Director was unexpectedly called away"--the soon to be former employee smiled at this--"and I live nearby. Now, then: This Severance Agreement, effective September 3rd, 2020, is made between the Employee, Vladimir Dracula, and the Employer, HealthFirst Valley Medical Center.
"Whereas Employee is presently employed by Employer, and both parties are interested in an amicable termination of their employee/employer relationship.
"We therefore make the following agreement:
"In consideration of Employee signing this agreement and the attached letter of resignation, his employment will voluntarily terminate effective
September 3rd, 2020. Employer agrees to pay Employee in Romanian Lei in the amount of L50000, converted to U.S. currency at the rate
effective on that date or, in the event that date falls on a bank holiday, on the next business day."
She looked up. "My understanding is this will amount to approximately USD $12,221.67, depending on the actual exchange rate. Is that your understanding as well, sir?"
"Yes, it is."
"Very well. Let's continue.
"Further, Employer agrees to permit complete and sole access to - oh, my! - to any and all blood products deemed unsuitable for use by Employer,
for a period of one year from the date of this agreement."
The staffer's face had paled significantly. "That is a very unusual, uh, payment clause, Mr. Dracula."
Vladimir gave a small shrug. "Our esteemed Center Director, Dr. Kenilworth, was most accommodating."
"Um, yes... Continuing with the agreement:
"The payment made under Paragraph 1 will be subject to normal withholding for applicable taxes.
"Employee agrees not to discuss the terms of this agreement with anyone except his legal and financial counsel.
"Employer agrees not to disclose any irregularities, actual or perceived, in the Clinic's...blood products inventory."
Camille stopped reading and looked up at the man across the table. She was shaking and appeared unwilling, or unable, to continue with the review.
"Ms. Bonsoir," he purred, catching and holding her gaze, "some of the special terms of this agreement seem to trouble you. I would be perfectly amenable to concluding the review at this point and moving directly to the signature phase. I believe it would spare you additional...distress, shall we say?"
The woman quickly nodded and slid a pen across the table. Vladimir signed his name with a flourish, capped the pen and returned it to its owner.
"Thank you, Ms. Bonsoir. The Accounting Department has my banking information, so I believe we are finished here. Have a safe trip home. Good evening."
Written for the Bingo Blitz