Feelings are a cruel thing. But they can also make us realise value.
|Sitting on the roof under the starry sky one summer night, I wonder if I can ever be of anyone's worth. Like my parents who value status more than me, like my friends who value popularity more than me, like my lover who values looks more than me. I wonder if I can ever be on the other side of their vision as they stare at their most precious items. Will I ever be loved that way? Will I ever be seen as valuable? Or will I wither away into the world unnoticed by the people I care about? So many questions, too many possibilities, one feeling of loneliness. I wonder if I should just leap off this roof and bid goodbye to the endless things I am yet to see, or if I should go along the flow of the world to wherever it leads me. Or... perhaps... I should just be me. Let whatever come my way. I should just be me. No matter what comes in front of me. My parents, friends or even future lovers, I should maybe choose me. Sounds selfish, but what have I received? Nothing... Maybe I should... Choose me.
No one might understand me for my whole life, no one might see what I go through, but that power of invisibility can may be of something helpful in my journey to reach pure happiness. Maybe it exists, maybe not. But its worth a shot. I feel like this is a need, not a want. For me. There are endless ways to reach pure happiness. But each individual are like locked rooms, they have only one key specifically made for them to open them. It's the key that we have to find. I need to find my key.
"Find your key. Make your worth more valuable to you, and the rest will say the same." I repeated that in my head for years since that night. It became a routine for me to try new things that make me happy. No one else cares about me and I don't need them to. I'm happy now. Finally.