Looking ahead or behind to find a new path after rehab, hoping I make a good choice.
Closely Watched Trains
I stand alone in blinding rain,
waiting on an unknown train.
My future life, a choice I must make.
And only one I can take.
Two tickets lay in my hand,
don’t know where I should stand.
One path leads to a familiar past.
Comfort once lost; now peace might last.
The other takes me far away.
Unknown future, maybe a bright new day.
Strangers can become friends.
A new life, old wounds can mend.
Last time I waited on a train,
a filthy walkway, urine stains.
Crying frightened, shameful tears,
burdened with pain, unknown fears.
The smut on me wouldn’t wash away.
In pores so deep, I had to stay.
If I hung in, worked the steps.
A cluttered mess might bring me rest.
Been running too long and fast,
towards a certain fatal crash.
Smoke the gin and drink the powder,
Alice of Wonderland in troubled water.
I did hard work, washed my worst stains.
Princess in a castle, I glow now, no shame.
I found answers for all asked of me,
climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree.
Now, I wait on my wish filled train.
I pray a light shines true in dark rain.
God, I have come a long, long way.
I need to love myself enough to stay.
By Kathie Stehr