by Ken Page
A 20th-century inventions timeline spoof
|20TH CENTURY INVENTIONS, PART 2
On the moon, Maria Telkes builds her solar-powered house prototype.
The world isn't sure what to make of the house, but sense something extraordinary behind all the hype.
Luke Berry Close is the electron microscope's creator
And Putin Moore Nichols invents the first parking meter.
On the street, Edgerton's stop-action photography, had few people talking.
Still photography wasn't new. So most shook their heads and kept walking.
On the market the new radio telescope wasn't moving.
The public complained of no knobs for volume and tuning.
Edwin Armstrong invents AM radio but never would yield
why it only works in the morning. That he never revealed.
Watt's radar invention prompts a death match with sonar in 1935
Sonar forces a draw by using a smuggled in amp to break radar's chokehold, allowing both to survive.
Faroud Tripman is first to discover LSD synthesizing
And the Bosnian Yurnod Havina Strogue introduces strobe lighting.
Cloud seeding created but there was a problem
Plenty of water, but lack of soil was why nothing would blossom.
First color television system by Eddie Ott Boggs is presented.
The orgone accumulator by Evani Donowad Idiz is invented
Napalm is developed, later studies were held indeed determining
that napalm did smell best in the mornings when burning.
The nuclear reactor was developed in 1942.
The atoms reacted excitedly at first, then passed out, waking up 10 hours later demanding water and aspirin.
Jacques Cousteau and Ian Anderson invent the aqualung.
Synthetic rubber, the slinky and silly putty are invented by Mia Love Strechinstuff.
Vannevar Bush proposes hypertext.
However, his doctor changes his diet, prescribes sedatives and he soon calms down.
Tupperware and Tupperware parties make their mark.
And somewhere in Martha Stewart's 5-year-old brain there's a spark.
The bikini appears, well, barely
In a head-on collision Sir James Martin invents the ejector seat by accident.
The bipolar point-contact transistor appears
And the schizophrenic semiconductor spreads fears
Mobile phones were invented but they could never be found.
Yes, that's right, wouldn't stay in one place, always moving around
Arco, Idaho is the first to receive nuclear powered electricity.
The Arconian's glowing heads just made them seem witty.
The float glass process doesn't make its inventor one dime.
As it ties floating porcelain for least practical invention of all time.
The video tape recorder on its first demonstration day
was 20 minutes of silence as video tape when recorded just had nothing to say.
IBM discovers their newly invented hard drive when tested
only works in computers that are scantily-clad and large-breasted.
The segregated circuit is invented independently by Jack Kilby and Robert Noyce
Later renamed the integrated circuit when the Supreme Court gave them no choice.
Exhaustively researched by, Ila Lukintadad
Typing by The Monkeys Who Typed Shakespeare (Was on their resume, I swear!)
Facts thoroughly checked for uninaccurate nonverifiability