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Rated: ASR · Letter/Memo · Death · #2239793
Death may end a life but not the relationship. People live on in terms of their influences
Someone I Loved Passed Away Unexpectedly

He was only 35. But he lived more than most people do. And he was always up for an adventure and trying new things. No fear.

That's how we met. By unlikely chance at a music show.

We met dishonestly. It ended painfully.

A couple of years ago we started talking again and became friends. Again.

He was on his way to start a new life in a different state. New place, new job, new friends. New lease on life. He sounded happier than he had in a long time.

It's funny, but not that funny when you realize how much you love someone and appreciate your relationship with them because they're gone.
Realize that despite all the stupid, brutal things that happen in life (that I made happen), they got your back. They understand where you're really coming from because they've seen the darkness in you.

But they still bring out the love. And the laughs. A phone call from some hotel room on a road trip. Pictures from the strangest places and sights. Interesting conversations with really random people.
Song lyrics. Links to videos.

I didn't think I loved anyone "I don't love anyone". Then the tears came. I cry from sadness about once a decade, maybe. I don't feel sad very often. I understand pain logically. "I don't have tears to spares!"
But it became brutally apparent that I do have a heart. And it can be broken.

I know death very well. My entire family is dead. It happens.
For the second time in my life a 16-year-old driver has killed the man that loved me unconditionally.

I'm hard to love (I'm also STILL alive). I can't afford to lose people who love me eh!

He would have laughed at that.

It's the part when I can't tell him that that really fcks with me at first.
No calls. No texts. No emails. No response.
OUCH. I feel the pain for real.

We recognized, loved and respected the real in each other.

We lived on other sides of a border. I had my own boundaries on what the relationship was. I'm glad I was there as a good friend for what we could never have known was the end.
Just a good friend.
There was never a future for us, no matter how well we got along.

It feels like he's still here because there was distance. It feels like he'll always be here with me.

I'm not trying to wallow in it. It feels good to feel pain. To feel human.
Even if it hurts. I guess because it hurts so much.
It's a great gift to give the girl who doubts her own humanity.

There are many forms of death beyond the physical. And no defence from any of them.
The power of freedom.

Rest In Power.

You lived in it.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2239793-Minnesota-Nice