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Rated: E · Monologue · Parenting · #2240718
Love me or hate me. Choose wisely.
I believe that my mum is toxic.

My dad, my friends, my therapist, my cousins and pretty much everyone on this planet all tell me the same phrase,

"She loves you, and she cares about you"

Is it love, though? I've heard some of the things she said to me and about me. Sure, it broke me at first but I'm used to it now.
Has your mum ever said how disappointed she is in you, and droned on about how she "raised a monster", then proceeded to call you out for your mistakes and flaws, pushing your dreams and talents aside and only focusing on every bad thing you've done?

Now my dad told me that she says things she doesn't mean when shes angry, but I don't believe that.
I take to heart every word she says, and it's hard to love and forgive someone who has that much nastiness coming from their mouth.

There is no trust between us. I admit, I have done wrong but that doesn't give her the right to insult the man I love, call my friends stupid and make me look and feel like this spoiled, slutty and selfish brat.

Is it normal for parents to go through all your things, spy on your phone and then make you feel uncomfortable with the knowledge of what they discovered whilst doing so?

I'm just tired. This isn't a cry for help or a beg for pity, but I know I'm not the only girl falling apart over her mother more than she does over boys.

I'm drowning in mummy issues, and I can't get out.
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