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Rated: E · Monologue · Experience · #2242171
Very necessary 'P's. In this process I unlocked a bit of my mental puzzle.
It cleared my head. Clearing the neural dimensions of pathways for better chromatic understanding passages.
Some mental puzzleness not meant to make much (if any) sense;... accept it's own nonsensical blessedness.
And 'P'lease bare with me, (us), on the explanatory story.

This whole thing is also a related softer side to my "Grim Spec...." draft.
The last section is also a sorta first (rough) draft of my memoirish passage "Broken Constrainziness".
I'm not afraid to share this because sometimes we have to write completely (seemingly) meaningless things to clear our brains;... and I do truly seriously believe if take yourself to seriously in any 'field' of hobby profession (work), other people might start believing you're not serious about it!;... seriously!!

The section near the end of 'P' words were bouncing 'round my head like a jackhammer of a rubber band ball,.. or maybe the other way around? when I was at the homeless shelter in Colorado last spring. And as just mentioned about "Broken Constrainziness", which is my emotional reflection from when my social anxiety started causing seriously bad problems with my schizophrenia and DID surrounded by highly obnoxious people and music at the Aztlan homeless shelter through spring of last year: - nearly ripped hair off my head and dug my nails into my scalp.
As these last few sentences came outa me, one of my personalities, Orange, spoke up about (and just laughed his (my) head off) the below necessary ridiculous nonsense, which is also a bit of a reflection of the sorta psychosis I was having;:.. - I thought he was Jim Carey speaking through me telepathically; I, (we), he didn't know what was really happening. (and it's the first time he has spoken since: - and, Orange speaking, the reason Lily couldn't get rid of me, I was getting a little heavy on obnoxious, talking too much. We were having wacky wicked fast kinda reverse contradictory Intellectual battles too also super confuse one else, and I got to having a little too much fun =-}).
It was the beginning phase, when the "Dissociative Identities" were kinda 'wake'n up'. And at the time I had it confused with schizophrenia: I learned some big things about schizophrenia disfunctions while homeless!;: my uncle is either schiz or DID, I'm not sure, because compared with my Colorado experience I think I was unintentionally misinformed in my youth. ... Anyway I think I'm done rambling on this.
Orange speaking: 'Please don't read the next part too seriously; just (maybe) imagine Ace Ventura saying it fast. =-]

petrified people pleasers perfecting philosophical portrayals pleasing paramounted populases paralyzing past painstaking pensions progressing probable poor propaganda pushing parlays plentiful platinums port-holes perpetuating plastic perplexions probably pulsating pine-scented pennies picking partially plucked pixie packers plopping pleased popping philosophies

Conflicted Cracking Cranking Constraints, Correlating within my own Complicated Crookedness... Cooking Cracked Craziness Crying in a Crockpot... Cranketing... Splitting Infinity, Giggly Snicketing

Namaste ● Lily 'Pad' Wilder - Sag Moon
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