A girl finds herself in the body of someone who just attempted suicide
|13th of December 2020
I took over full-time today. I’m in a fragile body, 47kg and 168cm. My bones protrude from the body she made, and my blood is seeping out of wounds that she cut open with the folding knife in my hands. I can see the long light of a flashlight between the trees not to far away, and I know that he’ll find me soon, but I can't move, I can't hide the knife, and I can’t try to scatter the red snow into the water underneath me so that he won’t know what she has done. I look over the lake and I let him come to me, running frantically in the middle of the starless night to find me here on the edge of it.
“What are you doing here?” He’s breathing heavily, shining the light on the back of my hood.
“I like it here.” I’m speaking slowly, not having enough energy to be afraid of what happens next.
“You need to call your brothers right now, they’re worried about you, you need to call them right this second.” My brothers’ had heard from my best friend that she had been acting weird, like she was going to do something bad, and she had.
“Dad, I can’t right now.”
“What? Of course you can, just take my phone, they’re worried sick!” He frantically unlocks his phone and finds their numbers in the contact list.
“Dad, I can’t take your phone, it’ll get gooey.” I tell him. He hadn’t noticed it yet.
“What? What do you mean?”
And then he picks up the light and points it at my hands, and sees the blood running down them.
“Why did you do that?! Honey why did you do that?” he’s being loud now, but I can’t see his face.
“Why did you do that?!”
He calls my mum and tells her to bring the car here. We’re not too far from home, and she replies that she will be there in a few minutes. He calls my brother and finds out that he had called the cops, and so he called them too and said it’s under control. Dad helps me up and holds my arm steady so that I can walk, and we get out to the field where I look up into the sky where I can’t find the moon looking back down on us. And I start laughing.
I fall down onto the frozen grass underneath me and I laugh at the absurdity of things, and I tell the noises in my head to fuck right off, they have no business messing with me and my family, and they hush down, retreating into the corners again. We all go quiet, and the only thing I can hear is the terrified breathing of my father. I let my dad help me up again, and we walk to the car where my mum is completely unfazed by the blood dripping from my hands and onto the car seat, and she drives us home, where we clean it all up and put some band-aids on.