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Rated: ASR · Short Story · Satire · #2248542
Leave it to me to have an adventure while getting a vaccine.
“Do you have any questions?” the nurse asked as she wiped my upper arm.

“What’s he doing?” I asked.

She followed my gaze through the windshield to the man dragging a sack across the field next to the pharmacy where I was getting my second COVID vaccine. “He’s been dragging stuff around all afternoon. He isn’t happy about the pharmacy being built next to his farmland. He’s less happy about the drive-through vaccinations.” She shrugged as she continued to wipe my arm. “It will be over soon.”

The man dropped the sack in a hole in the ground and looked up. He tipped his wide brimmed straw hat at us and waved.

I waved my un-wiped right arm at him. “That’s not right.”

I yelped as the nurse squeezed my very-clean left bicep. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Small stick now.”

“He’s getting on a backhoe. Maybe we should call the police.”

She pressed gauze on my arm. “Hold here.”

I pressed the gauze on my arm while watching the man rev up the backhoe. He waved cheerily at the nurse and me. She grunted as she resumed wiping my arm. I waved my dirty, un-vaccinated right arm lazily again.

“That’s not right,” I said again.

She slapped a Band-Aid on my arm. “Lots of things aren’t right, like a pandemic that necessitates this. He’s probably burying horse, or another large farm animal. This place smells like a zoo.”

“I noticed. But there’s another smell. Something foul.”

“Pull to the side lot and wait for fifteen minutes. Honk your horn if anything happens.”

“Like a dude burying stuff in the adjacent farmland?”

“More like an allergic reaction.”

“Mind my own business, eh?”

“We’ve been doing that all day, and it’s worked.” She handed me the completed COVID card. “Keep this in a safe place. You might want to take a picture of it for safekeeping.”

I took my card back. “Have a nice weekend.”

She grunted as she turned to wave in the next patient. The man looked up and waved again. I nodded and pulled to the parking spaces. Now I’d have to watch this nut bury whatever-he-was-burying for fifteen minutes.

Just my luck.

My husband texted to ask if I could pick up a pizza on the way home for supper. It had been a long day, and he was tired. I agreed. Nobody wants to do much on a Friday, especially after you got off work an hour early to get a shot in the middle of nowhere to watch a dude on a backhoe. At least his employer got him in to have his vaccine a month ago at the hospital five minutes from our home. They were booked by the time I got sent back to the office, so I had to drive twenty miles outside of town for my vaccines.

I saw a few more people gesture toward Freaky Farmer, and the nurses continued to shake their heads and wipe arms. The backhoe was running now, and he wasn’t waving anymore. I was thankful for that when my wait time was over and I headed back into town to drop off some items at the library, pick up the pizza and go home.

I walked into the house an hour later, pizza in hand. “Hi everybody, I’m home. You won’t believe what I saw when I was getting my COVID vaccine!”

“Was it this?” my husband gestured to the television, where the five thirty news was running latest headlines.

“Reporters are on the scene of a farm fifteen miles outside of Lexington, where Lanny Leister, a local farmer, was arrested moments ago. An unnamed witness getting a COVID vaccination saw a body fall out of the backhoe Mr. Leister was operating on his property. Further investigation has revealed that he was burying six bodies. Authorities are asking anybody who received a COVID vaccination at Family Pharmacy off Highway 36 today between 2:00 and 5:00 to call this number to give a statement. They are particularly interested in speaking to a woman in an electric blue sedan, who a nurse and several witnesses said Mr. Leister waved at several times around 4:30.”

“I knew that guy was up to no good!” I said, picking up a piece of pizza and taking a bite.

“It sounds like they’re looking for you,” my husband said.

“They are,” I said. “The nurse said he had been out there all afternoon and it was nothing.”

My husband shook his head. “Oh well. At least you’re fully vaccinated but once again, you’ve come out of what should be a normal experience with a crazy story. You’re probably the only person in the world to witness a crime while getting vaccinated.”

I shrugged. “Leave it to me to be an unintentional witness.”

Word Count: 799
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