A Spine Too Long For A Body Too Small.

My spine grows inexplicably long and fast, and this home cannot contain me.

Once a house that seemed too big,
now not big enough to hold me in
now myself, with the face of a pig
a mind of a lamb,
but a life made of sin.

a house that's too small for a heart too big
breaking through the walls my mother built
my spine grows to reach the highest twig
like birth, I tear through all the lies I've lived
I've blossomed,
in a place where flowers don't belong
I've ripened,
in a place where fruits fall to the soil
where in silence, I hear not song
but the crashes of an inevitable toil

Within the polished porcelain exterior
lies years of filth and rot
but when does one look into the interior
if it does not fit what they sought?

And I dance in mists of many perfumes
to hide the unavoidable stench of sadness
I step into a fiery fit of violent fumes
and hope it buries any trace of madness

So I live in exile of love and hate
amidst a void of an insufferable silence
where dusk is dull and dawn is late
I hope there is in me,
a desire for violence

Something big, angry and strong
something that isn't disgustingly me
a desire to do something wrong
to take others freedom and be free

May I be selfish, cruel and greedy
rather than dull, plain and boring
where I may not be so sad and needy
where I will not crawl,
but run and jump and be soaring.


And the day will come.
Where I will see only myself in my reflection,
not my lost childhood in my eyes
where I will not drool for my mother's affection
where I am free of my father's lies
when I have nothing but scars to see
that I have been strong while being weak
when I will see the face that is me
so through the roof of that wretched house,
I will know that havoc is mine to wreak.

-R☆