The Ideal Provider

Provides entertainment to the viewers

Words: 998

"So," boomed Uncle Vernon. "It's all clear?"

"Yes, dear," Aunt Petunia assured him. She raised her eyebrows at Dudley, who was looking bored.

"Yes, Dad," Dudley piped up.

"Right," Uncle Vernon went on. "Just to make sure ..." and for the sixth time, he proceeded to explain to his wife and son what was expected of them.

"When the crew come in, they'll put up the reflectors. Then they'll install the floating microphones. Then each of us will sit where they place us."

"Yes," muttered Aunt Petunia.

"They'll start with me. After I've given them an overview of the share my company, Grunnings, has in the market, they'll turn to the balance of family life and work. This is where both of you come in."

"I'll say you're the ideal husband and father," Petunia said.

"I'll say you're my hero," Dudley said.

"And we'll pretend that there is nobody else living here. We won't mention him," Uncle Vernon concluded. "Ah, there's the doorbell."

There was chaos for a few minutes as wires threatened to trip everyone up and crew members said in clipped tones, "Out of my way."

Aunt Petunia, resplendent in a shocking pink dress, was placed on one end of the sofa and Uncle Vernon, in his best suit, was placed on the other. Dudley, in his Smeltings Uniform, was put on a straight-backed chair nearby to be zoomed on when the conversation came to him.

In the meantime, in a tiny room on the first floor, Harry Potter, nephew to Vernon and Petunia, was straining to hear what he could of this through the keyhole, which he had managed to unblock. He was locked in his room for the duration of the filming of this episode of "The Ideal Provider – The Work-Home Balance". Uncle Vernon had snorted that Harry couldn't be part of anything with the word 'ideal' or the word 'balance' in it.

The Dursleys had kept him locked there during the rehearsal too, and he'd been forbidden to let Hedwig, his owl, out. So, he hadn't been able to contact his friends Ron or Hermione.

In the living room, the host had started speaking. "I'm proud to present one of the foremost citizens of our county, right here on Privet Drive, Mr. Vernon Dursley!"

The monitor showed a close up of Uncle Vernon's grinning face.

"CUT IT!"

"There's a bit of egg visible in your moustache, please sir. The make up man should've noticed it but it was highlighted in the close up."

The make up man hurried over. Uncle Vernon's moustache was combed out.

" ... Mr. Vernon Dursley," the announcer cued again, and there was another close up.

They got through the early years in Grunnings before the disturbance started.

"What's that sound?" the director asked.

All the microphones were examined. Then the sound stopped for a while and they proceeded to Aunt Petunia's little speech.

Click-click.

"It's coming from the fireplace!" the director yelled.

One of the younger crew members thought quickly. She was only an assistant sound-recordist, but she had brains. She ran to the phone and dialed her boss. She got permission to interrupt whatever was happening and broadcast live. She signaled her fellow crew members and they did the necessary adjustments.

"We're now live," she whispered into the mic, "at the residence of the Dursleys, No. 4 Privet Drive, and something odd is happening."

Something odd was indeed happening. Thousands of viewers stopped being annoyed at the stopping of the football telecast and leaned closer to their TV sets.

The camera closed in on the electric fire. It was shuddering slightly. Then with a soft plop, it fell on to the carpet and an instant later, flames sprang up in the fireplace. The flames were orange at first and then they turned green. A red-headed face appeared, sitting on top of a flame quite comfortably.

"I say, sorry to bother you, I didn't want to telephone since I messed that up last time, and I couldn't pick Harry up by flying car since our car is loose in the forest now, so could you just tell Harry to pop over here and have a word with me?"

Uncle Vernon couldn't speak. He just sat there making popping sounds. Aunt Petunia was almost in tears. It was Dudley who moved first. He got up and went to the fire.

"You're Ron Weasley, Harry's friend, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"How come only your head is here? Where's the rest of you?"

"At my house, The Burrow. I wasn't sure if your Dad would throw something and I'd have to make a quick retreat so I didn't bring my whole body there."

"Well, bring it if you can. You can be on television."

"Dad will be thrilled if I'm on Muggle Television! Only Sirius has been there so far!" Ron's head withdrew with a loud pop. Then the flames whooshed up and the whole of him appeared and stepped out of the fireplace.

"Hello, Television people!" he shouted, waving with one hand and smoothing his hair down with the other. "Ron Weasley here, Harry Potter's best friend!"

The TV screens went blank in all the houses. The football match came back on. The Muggle Prime Minister had contacted the Ministry of Magic and they'd acted super fast.

An overall OBLIVIATE charm was performed. A complex charm that reached all the Dursleys, the crew members and the viewers. But the Dursleys had had their fifteen minutes of fame (it took that long to wipe all the concerned memories) - they became famous as the ones in whose house a wizard appeared. Mr. Dursley, bless him, also became famous as a good provider. Which goes to show you can have your fame and your flames, too.

And Ron, who hadn't intended to become famous at all, became famous as the second wizard in history to appear on Muggle Television. Don't tell Molly Weasley, his Mom, but his Dad, Arthur, is very very proud of him.