A Very Merry Un-Birthday

Presidents and proletariat alike: who doesn't like surprise gifts?

Kirkpatrick felt yet another of his colleagues clap him on the shoulder. "Happy birthday, Ray!"

"Still not my birthday!" he returned amiably.

He sat at his desk and looked at the small box for the tenth time that morning, then reread the card:

Happy Birthday Senator Kirkpatrick!
    
From: Sundale Elementary School

It showed a drawing of a stick-man wearing a suit in front a bunch of little stick-people.

His aide suggested that maybe the teacher had a crush. Kirkpatrick frowned the young man away. He'd been visiting a lot of schools recently, but he couldn't keep track of their names. So many of them sounded the same: Sunnyvale, Sunnyside, Sundale, Sunfield, Sunview... But he hadn't mentioned his birthday. He wasn't private about it; it was just that his birthday was several months away.

"Maybe it's a bomb!" George Thamos said. Everyone had glared at him. "What? It was a joke; live a little!" No one really had any use for the junior senator from Tennessee anyway, so he stalked back down the hallway muttering to himself.

"You watch, Ray," said his friend, Olpheluis Franco. "You better open it in your office. One of these characters probably sent you some jack in the box with a naked lady on it so it'll pop out in front HR!"

Franco walked away laughing, telling everyone it was Kirkpatrick's birthday even though it wasn't, enjoying the joke.

Ray had been planning to take it home, just in case it was a racy practical joke from a friend (like Orphelius). But curiosity got the best of him, and he grinned as he tugged the bow.

A tiny woman did not pop out of the box.

Instead, it started ticking.

That little son of a bitch was right! Ray thought just before the timer ran out.

(Word Count: 300)