Neither Buyer Nor Seller Be

Because Hagrid shouldn't own a pet shop

"Ah, that's a good lad then," said Hagrid, as Buckbeak ate the last of the food in the bucket. "Growing children need their nourishment and all."

"Hagrid!" Hermione was exasperated. "Buckbeak is not a growing child. He is a fully grown Hippogriff and almost as big as you are!"

"Now now Hermione, don't go getting all bothered." Hagrid winked at Harry and Ron. "I just feel all these are my kids, like, and I'm their Mummy."

Hermione rolled up her eyes and went to work to clean out the cage the Cornish Pixies were in. Ever since Gilderoy Lockhart's memorable class in her second year, Hermione was an expert at handling Cornish Pixies. Harry and Ron, meantime, were putting fresh food in the owls' food bowls.

It was a Saturday, and the trio was helping Hagrid with his pet shop in Hogsmeade. Kingsley Shaklebolt, the Minister for Magic, had given Hagrid a special license to open such a shop - against Hermione's advice and to her great trepidation. She had thought Kingsley was sensible, and now he was letting Hagrid loose on the innocent citizens of Hogsmeade!

The shop had been open two weeks now and so far, there was nothing very exciting to report, if you don't count a baby dragon biting Aberforth Dumbledore. Aberforth had performed the healing spell on himself and Madam Pomfrey had sent him some ointment so there was no lasting damage done, but Hermione did get in an 'I told you so'.

The biggest glitch was Hagrid's reluctance to SELL any of his precious animals. "It's a pet SHOP," Lee Jordan had tried to tell him, when Hagrid wouldn't sell Lee a Vindshield Viper. "We give you money and you give us pets, that's how it works."

"Nah, Lee. I can't let you have that," Hagrid had said. "Those Vindshield Vipers are for the Big Friendly Giant and Sophy. I'm proud as heck that Roald Dahl told them about my shop."

Hagrid had found some excuse or other to deny any customer his or her choice of pet. "They need a bigger backyard than you got," or "You have a cal already and they'd fight" or something.

"Hey, you three," called Ginny, walking in. "Bill and Charlie are getting up a Quidditch Game with Krum and team. Come and join in."

"Viktor is here already? Oh, I didn't buy him a Valentine Gift!" Hermione gushed.

"You don't have to," Ron grunted.

"Don't be jealous now, brother dear," Ginny chuckled. "Buy him a pet, Hermione."

"Hermione!" Hagrid boomed. "I'll let you be my first paying customer. You can have this Blast Ended Skrewt as your Valentine Gift to Viktor Krum!"

Ron grinned. He knew he had nothing to worry about.

When the customer wanted to buy, Hagrid didn't want to sell.
When Hagrid wanted to sell, the customer didn't want to buy!