An Unusual Pool Toy

A man wakes up to find an alligator in his pool, in the middle of Illinois.

“Honey?” My wife called from the bedroom.

“Yes, dear?” I yawned as I stumbled my way into the kitchen on a quest for my morning coffee.

“Could you check outside to see if there’s any damage from the storm last night?"

“Sure,” I said as I popped a cup into the Keurig. I went to the kitchen’s sliding glass doors and looked out into the backyard. There didn’t seem to be much amiss. There were some branches down, the above ground pool may have gotten a bit more full, what with the alligator in it, and a couple plastic lawn chairs had been blown over, but that was it. I was heading back to get my coffee when a thought struck me.

“Wait, there’s something wrong.” I went back over what I’d seen. Down branches, blown over chair, alligator.

Alligator.

No, that couldn’t be right.

I turned back to the window. Sure enough, there was an alligator in the pool. I could see the head sticking out over the edge, the right eye pointed in my direction. I rubbed my eyes. It was still there.

Hoping it was just a delusion brought on by caffeine deprivation, I went back and grabbed the cup of coffee and without bothering to add my usual cream and sugar drank it down. I went back to the window. Nope, still there. We’re in a suburb in the middle of Illinois, and there’s an alligator in our pool.

“Honey, how does it look?

“Ah well, I think maybe you should come and see for yourself.”

A couple minutes later my wife came into the kitchen, a puzzled expression on her face. Wordlessly, I pointed out the window. She came up beside me and gasped.

“Is that an alligator in our pool?”

“It is.”

“But…we’re in the middle of Illinois.”

“I’m aware.”

“How did an alligator get into our pool?”

“Well, it looks like the pool ladder is a little bent at the sides, so I’m assuming he used it to climb up.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant, and I have no idea.”

“Are you sure it’s real?” That was a good question. It certainly looked real, but then again, I’m not a herpetologist.

“Guess I should take a closer look.” I went to the back door and slipped on my sandals, then went outside. We have a ten-foot diameter pool. Judging from that, the alligator looked to be about six feet long. Its head turned towards me, and I heard a hiss. Yup, real enough. I quickly headed back inside.

“What do we do?” my wife asked.

“Well, we could call animal control, but I don’t think anyone around here is equipped to deal with an alligator. I’ll try 9-1-1.” I pulled out my cell phone and dialed.

“9-1-1, what’s the nature of your emergency,” said the female voice.

“I have an alligator in my swimming pool.” There was a pause.

“You have a what?”

“An alligator in my swimming pool.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“You have an alligator in your pool in the middle of Illinois?”

“Yes, that point has been made. Any idea what we should do?”

“I’ll admit, they didn’t cover this scenario in training. I’ll dispatch a police cruiser to investigate.”

“Think they’ll be able to do anything useful?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” At least she was honest. I gave our address and hung up. A few minutes later a cop car pulled up and a young officer got out. I went out in my robe and sandals to meet him.

“Sir, did I understand the operator correctly? You have an alligator in your pool?”

“Yup.”

“In the middle of Illinois?” Everyone seemed to be obsessed with that today.

“Yes, indeed. Want to come take a look?”

“Yeah, this I’ve gotta see.” We walked around to the back. The alligator was still there, viewing everything with a serene indifference.

“Okay, that’s definitely an alligator. Maybe somebody’s pet that got loose during the storm. Do you know anybody around here who has an alligator?”

“If I did, I’d be calling them.”

“It’d be illegal for them to have one within village limits anyway.” He thought for a moment. “Good thing we’re close to Brookfield. I think we need to call the zoo.”

“Officer, that’s an excellent idea. You’ll make captain yet.” He grinned and pulled out his cell phone.

Within an hour or so a van from the zoo pulled up and two workers got out. By this time, most of the neighbors were outside watching our little show. The kids next door kept daring each other to get closer, but their parents held them back.

The zoo workers clearly knew their stuff. They managed to get the rope around its snout and get it out pool with only minor damage to the pool from its claws. Luckily, the hole was above the waterline. The onlookers all applauded. My wife and I walked with them back to their truck.

“Okay,” one of the workers said after they had stowed the alligator away. “That was interesting. Not the sort of thing we usually see in…”

“The middle of Illinois, yes I know,” I finished for him. “So will it be part of your exhibit?”

“Yes, he will. He is male, by the way. Since you found him for us, you get to name him. Any ideas?”

My wife and I looked at each other. She shrugged, basically saying it was up to me.

“Well, we found him in our pool. How about ‘Michael Phelps’?”

“That works,” he said, grinning. “Okay, you folks have a good day.”

We watched them leave, then I turned to my wife. “So honey, feel like a swim?”

“Are you kidding? Not until that pool is drained and sanitized. I’m not catching any alligator diseases.” I sighed. Now I knew what I’d be doing most of the morning. Time for another cup of coffee.